Day 65: Bloody Arms and Self Reflection

A Grumbily Morning

The only reason I tented was because it wasn’t supposed to rain. It rained. That’s an understatement – it poured. I sleepily grumbled and turned over to fall back asleep. It was midnight and the rain lasted for at least two hours. I officially got up at 6:30. I didn’t sleep well at all because I couldn’t find a comfortable enough position all night. I figured I might as well start the day.

I broke down camp and did more grumbling as I shoved my soaking wet tent, covered in leaves, into its bag. I ate some breakfast and headed out. It was an up down up down river walk. Or so I saw on the map. I ended up taking the road for that first two miles. It was still a river walk – I was just on pavement. Sometimes, you need to make it an easier day.

Bloodly Arms and Trail Magic

When I reconnected with the trail, it just went up. Hikers were terming it the ‘Elevator’. It was an apt description. It wasn’t too bad since I was tackling it at the beginning of the day. The second half of the uphill was the part that sucked. It was rock field after rock field. My pace slowed down considerably, my ankles ached, and I was forcing my way through six foot high bushes. My arms were covered in blood and I would occasionally have to stop and pull thorns out of my skin. I was not having it.

I was hiking with BW (which I have learned stands for Big Weiner (he won’t tell me the story behind that name)), Lightning, and Buck. Lightning’s sister was visiting and planned to camp for the night. She showed up and she hiked with us back up to the parking lot.

At the road, trail magic awaited us. I was excited that they had water. I had forgotten to fill up at the last source and didn’t have enough to get me to the next water source. Somebody brought fruit, snacks, donuts and another was handing out sausage biscuits from McDonald’s. They had soda and beer too. It was very nice. The sun was showing too and I sat in a ray of light. I was there for roughly twenty to thirty minutes before I moved on. I was getting very cold. It was weird how cool the temperature has been. I’m very glad I haven’t sent home my ten degree quilt – I go to bed shivering. 

Wind Rock and the Descent Down

I hiked the short trail to Wind Rock and got some awesome views. I checked to see if I had service and saw that I had a little bit. I called my dad and my sister picked up. I just wanted to hear their voice, but the connection kept going in and out. I said I was hanging up, but my mother joined in and asked how it was going. I sighed, saying, “It’s okay.” “You don’t sound okay. You sound close to tears.” I gave a humorless laugh and said, “I always seem close to tears. I can cry if you want.” “It sounds like you have lost motivation to continue.” I gave it some thought before half-heartedly saying, “Yeah…”

With that conversation in the forefront of my mind, I hiked an additional five miles. I teared up a bit while hiking downhill. This shit is hard. I feel like I’m continuing because I dedicated time to this journey. Or maybe because I want the title of thru-hiker. That’s it. Instead of continuing to sound like a broken record, I will reflect and redo my reasons for hiking at a time when I can sit down and write it out. Being on trail isn’t the place to do so. Town days are easier. If none of the reasons resonate with me or if I feel like I accomplished what I set out to do, then maybe my time on trail is done.

War Spur Shelter

That is all I thought about as I hiked down to War Spur Shelter. I planned on hiking an additional six miles to the next shelter, but I didn’t have it in me to hike up another steep and tall mountain. I had absolutely no motivation. War Spur Shelter it was. It was a nice one too. Two hikers allowed me to use their line to dry out my wet tent. It was there that I ate lunch.

There were over half a dozen of us there and everyone slowly continued on. The sky grew dark with rain clouds and the rest left too. I was alone. I knew I should have begun setting up in the shelter, but I just sat there staring. The wind started to pick up, so I went to get water and wash up. I got back to the shelter as it started to rain. It didn’t last long and MacGyver showed up. He was staying here.

It rained off and on. I did some stretching, but I was quick to snuggle up in my bag. I was cold. I did some reading as others showed up. As it grew later and later, I knew I had to eat something. I just wasn’t hungry though. I snacked on some dehydrated fruit and a block of cheese. I was a part of the conversation, but I can’t recall what we talked about. You ever have those moments where you were participating, but afterwards, it was all a blur? That’s what today was. I hung up my food and went back to my bag. I kept to myself for most of the night.