A Path of Sobriety, Looking Within For Guidance
Peck’s Corner Shelter to Standing Bear Farm: Today, I felt really introverted and was inspired to hike alone to feel into the space of my experience. In silence, I was able to get into a zone and felt as if hiking 23 miles flowed effortlessly.
As soon as I made it to the road near Standing Bear Farm, a pickup truck drove by and came to a quick halt beside me. In surprise, Voodoo stuck his head out the window and out of excitement I grabbed the back of his head, pulling him close as I kissed him. He smiled and asked if I wanted a ride to the farm. I nodded yes! The driver, Hollywood, goes, “Hop in! But just know you’re gonna skip a mile!” I unbuckled my hip belt and said, “I’m not a purist” as I jumped in the back!
Voodoo had him stop the car mid drive so he could hop in the back with me. He offered me some ice cold Sierra Mist—felt Godly to drink on a piercing hot day after hiking some big miles. I looked over at Voodoo in awe. The sun glowed golden on his pale complexion… the wind blew through his wavy blonde hair… and all I could think about was how beautiful he looked to me. I loved his bottom teeth as they didn’t line up perfectly. That had always been one of my kinks—men with imperfect teeth. I loved the way he laughed and the way his hair would get matted from his outdoor adventures. So young, wild and chaotic. He started massaging my legs and lovingly said, “Bring your hairy self over here.” He leaned towards me and we french kissed down the bumpy gravel road.
I saw Pink at the farm and gave him a long awaited hug. He teased Voodoo for waiting on me and in his raspy voice said, “You happy now, boy?” Voodoo didn’t plan on staying another night, but changed his mind when I showed up—glad he did. He piggybacked me and spun me around in the parking lot and said, “You know you got all these boys scared of you.”
“Not you,” I replied.
“Not yet,” he corrected.
Later on, Voodoo cooked a massive summer sausage over the fire and Karaoke pretended as if she was giving it a blowjob. The group laughed so hysterically that I was sure people from down the road could hear them.
Voodoo came to join me in the kitchen as I was journaling. He still seemed really upset/sensitive over what Beans had said to him in Gatlinburg, so I tried to comfort him as best as I could. He said, “I guess you just gotta learn how to forgive people otherwise you won’t know how to forgive yourself.” I said, “Yup. That’s why I have so much faith in God.” He says, “Me, too. I know I can call on God whenever I am feeling angry. I just don’t like getting angry because I don’t like losing control.” He took a breath and continued, “I feel like most people don’t understand me or don’t want to make the time to understand where I come from.”
I caressed his arm and asked what brought him to hike the AT. He said, “I’m trying to learn how to be comfortable in my own skin. I came to hike alone and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting. In the past I was using drugs, alcohol, people, places, things, pussy to feel things so I didn’t have to look within. Now, it’s different. Now, I’ve been sober for almost two years and I’m faced to look within.”
Later on, I saw a couple of girls hanging out on the bridge. I felt attracted to them; they had dark hair and were tatted from head to toe, giving off a “bad girl” vibe. I wanted to flirt with them, but as usual, girls who appeared that beautiful to me made me nervous and I lost all the flirtation skills I thought I had. Instead, I picked a simple conversation with them. They went by the names Athena and Emery. They decided to get off trail as Emery was having some heart issues that were coming up. Athena didn’t mind that they were getting off and didn’t guilt trip her for changing her mind.
Emery also mentioned that she had a lot of anxiety. Looking for confirmation, she asked if I had a lot of anxiety, myself. Naturally I responded with, “Ohhhh yeahhh. Most definitely.” I thought about it later and corrected myself in my mind. I didn’t “have” anxiety. Instead, I experienced the perception of an anxious energy coming over me often—two totally different things. When I took my body to be real and bodies around me to be real, then yes, it was inevitable that I would perceive anxiousness. However, that didn’t mean I “had” it, which implied it was something real and stuck to this apparent body. The perception of anxiousness was only perceived energy that was arising and passing through consciousness.
After eating some food, I made my way to the bunk room to get ready for bed. Voodoo followed and set up his space above my bunk. I tugged at him, pulling him into my bed. He smiled and snuggled his way into my arms. I felt the warmth of his chest upon mine as our legs intertwined. He teased me as he pushed his upper thigh into my pussy—I pushed back into him, moaning gently. Using each other’s bodies to get off, we made love through our kisses and strokes. The sound of our breath guiding us… I became eager to taste him. I made my way down to his cock—all ready for me. Someone was asleep in the bunk just across from us. If they opened their eyes, the first sight they would have gotten would have been my wet lips enjoying Voodoo’s big cock.
After some light teasing, we tried falling asleep in the same bed but I kicked him out since I couldn’t stretch out like a starfish. Sleeping alone didn’t last long as he made his way back into my bed later that night.
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