Cribs. Appalachian Trail edition

Greetings, earthlings, and welcome to my fortress of solitude.

Allow me to show you guys around a little bit and show you all my shit.

First, we will start with some facts.

It has 5-star yelp reviews from several big-name people.

The former governor of California said, “I’ll be back. ”

The famous wizard and fireworks pioneer Gandalf said, ” you shall not pass…up the opportunity to stay here”.

I’m pretty happy with my HMG Ultamid 2, and it’s got the bathtub floor and bug screen/ moisture barrier. In case of tornadoes, I keep it staked down with 8 MSR groundhogs. The fortress is easily folded up and stored in an HMG 4400 pod

So kick off your shoes and come on in. You will notice the center support pole of the pyramid is an adjustable tarp pole from REI. No trekking poles for me.

My bedroom, where all the magic happens, is in the corner. In there, you’ll see an ultra-luxurious inflatable cot. It’s a Big Agnes goosenest. I’m pretty sure Kim Kardashian has the same one.

When I was younger, I joined my Uncle Sam’s Afghanistan adventures for a few years. One of those adventures led to my back being F’d in the A. Sleep is hard to get, so I’ll pay whatever weight toll there is for some better zzz.

That’s why my bed comprises the finest linens on this side of Asgard. I’ll be comfortably wrapping myself up at night in the Big Agnes three-in-one Lost ranger 0-degree bag and laying my head on a Nemo Fillo down pillow, with a Fillo Elite for between the knees.

Your boy gets cold easily; we’re rolling with the zero-degree bag for a February start. Additionally, to ensure I don’t turn into a human Popsicle. I enjoy the supple comfort and warm embrace of an alpaca sleeping bag liner. The liner is from Appalachian Gear Co. When it is time to hit the road the cot has its bag, and everything else goes into an HMG 4400 pod

If we go back to the pyramid’s center, we can see where my kitchen is. Let’s go in there and look at what Chip and Jo did with the remodel.

I’ll be throwing down and creating some tasty trail cuisine. To accomplish this, I’ll use a sea-to-summit x pot, Jetboil 8 in Skillet, and a Jetboil Flash. I’ll use an Ecovessel utensil kit that has my fork and spoon, and even chopsticks. I have a microfiber rag and sponge in there for the chores.

I know most trail dwellers do not want to do that. They will repeatedly do ramen bombs and whatever else passes as food and be happily miserable about it. I, however, once had the nickname truffle shuffle and that idea makes me sad.

Do you know what doesn’t make me sad? The fact that my entire kitchen fits in an HMG 4400 pod.

If you are expecting a Mariah Carey size wardrobe, you would be right. I have more clothes than most YouTube videos say to bring, actually more than anything I’ve seen says to bring.

Feet. Three pairs of Darn Tough hiking socks, one Injinji toe liner pair, and thick alpaca sleep socks. I also have Altra Olympus 5s and North Face traction booties. The booties have an alpaca wool-lined sole for extra warmth and comfort.

Bottoms. Rab rain pants, North Face hiking pants I scored at the outlet, and a pair of bird dog shorts.

Tops. Smokey the bear T-shirt, Rab rain jacket, Cotopaxi puffy, and a hoodie, a beautiful alpaca donated to me, from the Appalachian Gear Company.

Head. Green Bay Packers bucket hat, Appalachian Gear Company beanie, Appalachian Gear neck gaiter. Trusty Ray Ban sunglasses.

Extra. I also have my waffle base layer system from the army to sleep in.

You guessed it, the entire closet goes in an HMG 4400 pod.

That about wraps up the inside of my crib.

You may have noticed a lack of indoor plumbing, and to that, I say we can’t have it all. I grab some dude wipes and my sturdy shit shovel from the poo kit. I didn’t want to risk a lightweight trowel and not be able to break ground during a prairie dog situation. I pick from one of the thousands of Georgia pines, dig my hole, and pop a squat.

When I’m not squatting behind trees, you can find me squatting in a helinox camp chair. It’s probably one of my favorite items. I also have an ultralight telescoping fishing pole for usage. Don’t worry, and I’ll never get lost looking for the perfect honey hole. I’ll have my Garmin inreach mini two and the far-out app to save my ass.

Now the episode is done. You are going to have to leave now. I have to pack everything up into pods. Oh yeah, all those HMG 4400 pods fit perfectly in my HMG Southwest 4400. I throw it on my back. Pop in my headphones, grab the Google Pixel 7, turn on airplane mode, and get lost in the wilderness and the Dresden Files.

 I have a walking stick and a pipe that would make any wizard jealous. If I have to much pipeweed from the shire , I’ll just open up the bear vault and take down the munchies.



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Comments 10

  • Peter R : Feb 6th

    Wow, a serious luxury setup, not my gig but it sounds like it works for you, so all right! Good luck on the journey!

    • Nick Clark : Feb 8th

      Thank you!

  • marsh : Feb 7th

    So what does your base weight come to? Not as much as you carried in Afghanistan probably.
    good luck. I like your writing style.

    • Nick Clark : Feb 8th

      I’m just under 30 lbs before food . It’s a pretty comfortable load to bear . Thank you for the compliment!

      • William : Mar 3rd

        Nice carrying pack and wooly liner, my one true luxury item, but am too weak now to carry the rest of that comfy load. Sectionhiker now, 25th INF very long ago

  • Heidi Kleinschmidt : Feb 9th

    Nick this is seriously so awesome of you to take this journey! I’m really excited to continue to follow you on here and live vicariously through you!

  • Eric Stockmaster : Feb 21st

    The Immortal Lunchbox starts his journey! Seriously, I am happy for you and look forward to reading your adventures! Keep us up to date often, I plan on making this a daily reading habit. Stay safe on your journey, young Hobbit.

    • Nick Clark : Feb 27th

      Love you buddy

      • Derek : Mar 2nd

        After being on the trail a week or so what have you changed?

        My wife and son are starting in 2 weeks. I was also in the army and on previous trips we cooked meals etc. but we have been making our own dehydrated meals (better calorie density, flavor cost) that I’ll be sending her every couple of days!!!

        But mostly just curious what all you have dropped out of your kit.

    • Cb : Mar 27th

      Funny posts! I tried to‘tip the author’ but it said ‘ah, man’ and the page wasn’t available. Maybe next one. Did you go back for the glasses?


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