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Dear Tara, Slow Down: How FKTs Are Ruining the Appalachian Trail Experience
Dear Tara Dower,
It has come to my attention that you recently became the fastest human being to complete the Appalachian Trail, finishing all 2,197 miles in under 41 days. Tara, I have to say I’m disappointed to hear that you did this, and I would like to ask you, very respectfully, to stop.
Slow down! What’s all the rush about? Stop and smell the roses — you might just find that you actually enjoy life in the slow lane.
Now, Tara, I know you haven’t spent very much time in nature before now (other than your 2017 AT attempt, your complete 2019 AT thru-hike, your 24 ultramarathons, your FKTs on the Colorado Trail and Benton Mackaye Trail, and your John Muir Trail thru-hike). Well, as someone who has hiked the AT once, I can assure you that you would be much happier if you stopped sprinting everywhere like a crazed lunatic.
Did you even see any red-spotted newts glistening in the morning sun, Tara?
Even this newt* is judging you, Tara. (*It has come to my attention that this “newt” is, in fact, not a red-spotted newt at all, but a red salamander. No wonder he looks so pissed. Sorry little guy.) Photo: Carly McCalla
At your blistering pace, I doubt you perceive the subtle artistry of the sun’s first rays striking dew-kissed ferns the way I do. Can you even hear the babbling brooks and chattering squirrels over your own laborious breathing? Personally, I doubt it. What a shame.
You’ve probably never even seen a noble moose surveying his woodland domain, perfectly framed by a ray of silver moonlight while a snowy owl circles overhead. I also have not seen that, mind you, but the point is I could!
Now, I know you just achieved a world-class athletic feat that challenges perceptions of what female athletes are capable of while simultaneously raising tens of thousands of dollars for a nonprofit dedicated to empowering girls. But ignoring that completely, have you considered how much better your life would be if you took it at more of a brisk walk, like me?
I hold myself up to you as a shining example, Tara. Look at me! I hiked the AT one time — I’m not sure if I mentioned that yet! My appreciation for the outdoors truly knows no bounds.
I have been known to stand perfectly still in the middle of the trail for 15 unbroken minutes, just staring vaguely into the middle distance for no apparent reason while perplexed hikers edge around me. That is the behavior of a person who truly gets nature, you know? Well, I mean of course you don’t actually know because you’re too gosh dang fast, but the point is that my way of enjoying nature is better than yours.
Be honest, Tara. Isn’t there a tiny part of you that wishes that you, too, could be incredibly slow?
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Trust me, I ran over two miles on the AT one time because I needed to get to the general store in Bland before it closed so I could get a milkshake, and quite frankly it sucked and I hated every step of it. I feel comfortable generalizing this experience to the overall human population across all circumstances. I much preferred the other 2,190+ miles that I walked/shuffled, so I’ve seen both sides of this issue and can definitively say your AT experience would have been better if you were slower.
Sure, you broke a record. You’re a professional athlete. But have you considered just, like, not being that? Frankly, I think it’s quite presumptuous of you to go around inspiring people with your feats of superhuman endurance, without even asking them if they want to be inspired. Who do you think you are?
Tara, everyone in the entire hiking community is begging you: please stop ruining the AT by being so fast.
Trying to put on a brave face right now, but it’s so difficult when I know that there are people out there in the world actively trying to ruin my life by setting FKTs
What you don’t realize is that setting the FKT on the Appalachian Trail has ruined the trail for everyone else. It is widely known that for every hiker who completes the AT in under 100 days, the soul of a beautiful moss-covered stone dies from the shock of not being adequately appreciated. Do you know how many rock-souls you just extinguished from the world? Wow.
Most important of all is how your personal actions have affected me. It’s almost like you did this to me on purpose! Why do you hate me?
When, as I think I mentioned, I hiked the AT that one time, I felt like I was pretty special. You finishing it faster than me makes me feel less special, which hurts my feelings quite a bit.
Rather than getting faster or accepting myself for who I am, what would actually really help me out is if you could just stop with all the record-breaking and walk. Ideally at a pace between 2 and 3 mph, like a normal person. I beg you to stop with this highly personalized emotional blackmail.
40+ days on trail and you didn’t even catch ONE salmon with your bare hands? Wow. How many spoons did you whittle? None? WOW.
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I feel inclined to point out that you didn’t even carry your own snacks out there, UNLIKE MYSELF. I carried all my own granola bars every step of the way except for all the trail magic I benefitted from and all the slackpacking I did. I slept in the dirt every night except for my once-weekly zero days. I was basically like Bear Grylls out there, catching salmon with my bare hands (metaphorically) and spending my extensive spare time whittling reading Lady Pirate on my phone, like a real outdoorswoman.
I heard you only showered three times and finished by running 129 miles without stopping to sleep. Impressive — NOT! Don’t think that veneer of grime is fooling anyone. We all know someone else was whittling your metaphorical spoons.
It must have taken a lot of determination to pull off what some are calling the greatest athletic achievement of the century, Tara. Some might call you tough, inspired, or strong for making it happen. Meh. I’d just say you’re confused.
Tara, I don’t need to solicit anyone else’s opinion to know that everyone in the entire world agrees with me. And never forget, our opinions of you are the only thing that truly matters. Especially mine, as a person who hiked the AT one time (did I mention that?).
The facts are clear: setting a speed record on the Appalachian Trail is just plain dumb.
Respectfully,
Everyone in the Entire World
p.s. I could totally finish the Appalachian Trail in less time than you right now if I cared enough to try, WHICH I DON’T.
Featured image: Photo by Ibraim Leonardo.
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Comments 91
hi,
your post is stupide and It’s a denial of freedom.
This freedom,
It was an essential part of the hike.
Congratulations Tara.
I was mad at first too before I realized this is a joke post
You obviously do not understand satire. Congratulations Tara and congratulations on a brilliant satirical story. I’m sure Tara would find this hysterical. Oh, and BTW, congratulations on the author, who did, in fact, complete the AT. In case she didn’t mention it….
Satire is a literary device for the artful ridicule of folly or vice as a means of exposing or correcting it. The subject of satire is generally human frailty, as it manifests in people’s behavior or ideas as well as societal institutions or other creations. Satire utilizes tones of amusement, contempt, scorn, or indignation towards a flawed subject with the hope of creating awareness and subsequent change.
You are a moron. I feel stupid for reading it. Go on a hike and jump off a mountain. You are a lover and your opinion sucks.please never write again
I understood the satire and this post made me crack up with laughter. Great job Tara, you’re an INCREDIBLE superhuman who has accomplished amazing things, and you’re making all us normies look bad. 😂
Funniest line was reading Lady Pirate on my phone like a real outdoors woman
I personally don’t understand these types of things. It’s a record that has no real proof other then a look at me.
Next thing you know you have others wanting to run the trail. Then they have race day. Next it’s blocked off for only racers.
The woods used to be able getting away from everything. It was a personal journey.
I just don’t understand why bother racing as fast as you can. It’s like going to Rome to see the buildings while running. How fast can I get through the Sistine Chapel ?
Maybe I’m just different.
I hear where you’re coming from with this. I am also not wired the way the same way that these athletes are wired. And while I don’t deny that accomplishing these FKT’s is an incredible feat, I have had many conversations with backpacking friends about this. I am not motivated to run through the wilderness, because I enjoy taking my time to appreciate it in my own way.
But the thing that I come back to is something that you directly touched on in your comment… “It was a personal journey” *for her,* and “maybe [she’s] just different.” We’re all different, and we all have different things that drive us. In short, to each their own.
And while I understand the sentiment, I think that there’s a very low chance that “they” are going to block off the 2,190 mile Appalachian Trail for a race. I could be wrong, but I wouldn’t lose sleep over that.
Kelly, you are way out of line. You come across as attacking Tara for her accomplishment and even seem jealous or envious! I also find it appauling that you think you can speak for the ENTIRE HIKING COMMUNITY – Shame on you! Who do you think you are to speak for me and my friends. You should really think before you speak…
You say it’s presumptuous for Tara to feel she is inspiring others while you Kelly do the exact opposite by trying to uninspire and make individuals feel badly about their choices – again shame on you!!! Who are you to decide what’s right for anyone but yourself!
You have a right to your opinion, but you present it while trying to pull Tara’s accomplishment down – again shame on you!
You and your views are so uninspiring, mean, hurtful, unkind and just plain wrong!!!
CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU TARA!!! I’m so glad you accomplished YOUR GOAL.
You are a true inspiration!!! You Go Girl!!!
Kelly, you need to find another job…you come across as quite hateful!!!
I don’t know how to explain to you that this entire post is satire. None of it is serious. Rather, it is actually making fun of people who are putting down FKT accomplishments. Maybe work on reading between the lines and you’ll find more things in life are funnier than you think
Please dont judge, some people have mental illness like autism and does not understand satire.
Autism is a mental illness. It’s a neurological disorder.
Source: I’m autistic.
***Autism is NOT a mental illness
No edit option?
Only for non autistic
r/whoosh
I don’t know if the post is satire or not, but I support the sentiment 100 percent. When out in nature, don’t rush about. Be in nature.
Brand new idea! HYOH and congrats and kudos to Tara Dower.
I’m not sure there was any possible way for the satire in this article to be more obvious.
Didja know the word ‘gullible’ is NOT in the dictionary?!!!
What?????? I just looked it up and it’s in there…. oh :-[
Wow! It was a joke. I’m guessing you didn’t really read it all the way through because it wasn’t apparent until you got about halfway through that she was joking. So you either didn’t read it all the way but felt the need to comment on it or you read it all the way and you can’t comprehend it.
you do realize this was sarcastic post right?
It was a joke
Wow
It’s a JOKE! You missed so many clues.
Bestie this whole post is a joke my GOD
Emma,
It’s all about perspective.
Emma. I read your whole post thinking you were going to nail it with your own hilarious punchline at the end. Nope. But still I laughed out loud.
Hi Emma,
I think if you look at some comments here as well as mine you might come to the realization that this whole post is written with irony. Maybe chill a little? And of course congratulations to Tara:-)
Regards Stephan
Calm down
Emma darling, please stop. Jonathan Swift is rolling in his grave.
Ibex you are hilarious!! Worry not, your wit and humor are not lost on all of us. Fantastic article and a truly unique way to pay homage.
To me the problem is not that Tara raced up the AT, it’s that it will inspire others to do it as well. Nature is there to enjoy and bathe within. I just don’t get it, like raw dogging on a plane. Why not enjoy the journey instead of the destination. It seems that this push to proclaim to be better, faster, stronger and record breaking for personal growth or fleeting fame takes away the simple beauty of life’s little pleasures. IMHO
You’re the type of person she’s making fun of with this article lmao
Hi, you probably know the term “hike your own hike” right? Well it does apply to people that want to hike fast as well does it not? If you want to hike slow, then you can do that too. Nobody is forcing you to hike one way or the other. Happy trails!
This post is satire for anyone mad because they think this article is against fastest know times. For those that say they worry about this inspiring others, many others have done this, she just currently holds the knew FKT, after it was broke last year, and will be again. To anyone thinking the AT will be “shut down” for races, trust me, there are so many reasons that will never happen ( getting that many people to run the AT at once, state lines, wilderness designation etc.) Also, to anyone thinking she didn’t actually get a true AT experience, she already thru hiked it at a “normal” pace prior to this. If you listen to her on podcasts, you would hear how she did take time to climb trees (see instagram photo above) enjoy views and have fun. She didn’t sprint across the trail, she mostly hiked, just very long days with some running and not sleeping very much or taking time off.
Haha, this writeup is hilarious.
More importantly, way to go Tara!!
Congratulations Tara, hike (run) your own hike (run).
Me personally I am usually looking to set my own personal record of most flora and fauna identified on a hike; but hey that’s my hike.
Well played; Tara is amazing. But that lovely salamander is a red salamander (Pseudotriton ruber), rather than a red-spotted newt (Notophthalmus viridescens).
Ahhhh nooo, I have brought shame upon my family name! Plot twist, turns out it was ME the salamander was judging the whole time. Going back in there to fix it now, thanks Adam 🙂
Your post is stupid and insulting
It’s not satire, it’s pathetic
Congratulations Tara.
When they find out it’s sattire by reading the comments but don’t understand sattire
Important point, but autism is not a mental illness.
This. Thank you.
I clicked the headline prepared to blast the writer for their myopic views and instead found a well-written satire. Well done Kelly, and even weller done Tara! Trail runners didn’t impact my hike one whit. If anything did, it was the trail magic, shuttles and hostels sprouting like fungus on a rotten log (and even those are easily bypassed and ignored, if you want)
So now it’s a problem? No complaints when the guys drop the FKT times for a decade, but only now when Candy Mama does it? No complaints when String Bean did it, or Odessa did it, or a half dozen other racers? Hrmph.
Hahahaha 😆 sorry not everyone is getting the satire
This article was a sampling of all the worst takes on the web. I clicked this article expecting to be pissed. Two sentences in I realized. Then I thoroughly enjoyed. Thank you. Sadly some people genuinely hold these opinions.
This is the best. Thanks, Kelly! Go, Tara!
Who TF are you?! Hike your own hike. Tara, you rock!!!
Satire:
noun
the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.
“the crude satire seems to be directed at the fashionable protest singers of the time”
You are extremely funny.. thanks for a great perspective! Would be a great skit as the need to break records destroys people’s time in the outdoors!
Maybe Tara does slow down sometimes, but I doubt it! She looks pretty happy and that’s great. You do as well!
This had me cracking up 🤣
Ibex, you are hilarious. As I read it, I wondered how many people would take you seriously. Alas, quite a few did. I hope they are able to go back and re-read it with a new perspective. That said, I will admit to feeling a teeny tiny bit annoyed when all the trail runners whizzed past me on the Wonderland Trail…
hilarious post, love it
Whoopty frigging do Tara. In a few years, someone else will snatch up the FKT crown from you. It’ll probably be a dude who claims to be a chick and sprinting with titanium legs up those mountains at 40 mph. Suck it up now, Buttercup. Fame is short lived.
To all the fan boys and wannabes out there sucking on Tara’s cooter while hating on Ibex’s obvious satire, “shame on YOU!!!!” Take your anger and narcissism and go run in the woods. Go on, get outta here. Get lost…in the deep woods.
I’m going to attempt a FKT hiking the AT with a wheelchair.
:p
FYI, people who don’t get satire are probably sociopaths or finance managers.
FKT????
THOU SHALT DEFINE ACRONYMS AT TIME OF FIRST USE.
Candy mama? Was she on trail long enough to get and use a trail name? 😆
She has several thru hikes under her belt already, including an Appalachian Trail thru hike in 2019, where she was given the name Candy Mama.
He is joking in case you didn’t get it.
This is the girl who thinks she is funny and so she drones on and on thinking she’s getting more and more layered with her humor but it just is stupid.
This site is getting dumber and dumber with more and more opinions that just fall flat. This is a perfect example of that.
If the site only gets dumber and dumber, interesting that you are still coming back to read it.
In 2019 I followed the Dowers on YT. Tara & husband are lucky to be alive, surviving the machete attacker. Imo she can do the trail anyway she wants to, I’m sort of amazed she set foot on the trail again.
Massive slow clap for this post. Brilliant.
For people who really and truly don’t get that this is satire: first of all, HOW. But also, Kelly’s post DIRECTLY BEFORE THIS ONE, the headline and synopsis of which you scrolled right past in your stampede to get to the comment window and start furiously typing your inane screeds, is a post reporting on… wait for it… Tara Dower succeeding in her FKT attempt. There’s even a picture of a smiling, accomplished Tara right there.
You guys should not read “A Modest Proposal.” You’ll have an aneurysm.
Lol, I almost choked to death when I read that Modest Proposal line…now I have to wondersehow many people are going to go out and read it and really bug out?? Mwahahaha
“[Ms. Dower] will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter.”
Next time, I promise I’ll go slower,.. but if by chance I start to get chased by a moose or a spoon-whittling outdoorsman, I’m gonna run like hell.
– Signed
– Not the Real Tara
It took me 41 days to get to the Grayson Highlands. It doesn’t bother me that some want to challenge the fastest time. In fact meeting JPD in Dalton during my 2011 thru was a highlight for me.
You know what I think is ruining the Appalachian Trail experience? Sooooo many damn hikers every year, that’s what. Once upon a time it was a wilderness experience. Now it’s the human highway.
Great post! Loved it! Tara what a great accomplishment! ~Love SPAM
And here is why comedians are out of work more often these days. No one knows how to joke or have fun without being offended. It’s a wider problem in society. Everybody would rather be mad about something. Sad.
So true.
Lame attempt, hike your own hike. Don’t depend on others for your happiness.
August 1973 found me heading south from Katahdin. Getting my head straight after 2 tours of duty in ‘nam.
When I got to Springer Feb 14 ’74 I looked back North and thought I would like to do the slowest through hike but life’s duty called and I’ve had to settle for vacation hikes in some favorite areas all after Labor day.
More unfunny attempts at satire
HILARIOUS! My husband and I were literally laughing out loud! A sense of humor is so valuable these days but sadly not as common as it used to be. Hold on to it, don’t let the grouches bring you down!
Did you want responses Ibex? lol You got ‘em! Love this post!
Loved this article!
By the way, I’d like to try to get the record for the SLOWEST PCT thru hiker. Turtles pass me! Moss grows on the north side of my Durston. I’ve had warblers attempt to build a nest in my hat. I’ve aged seven years!
The Appalachian Trail was created to allow people to escape from the rat-race, now the rats have turned it into part of the racetrack.
I read somewhere that Key Floro actually hiked AT once. Anyone else hear that?
Good work Kelly. Loved the salamander photo update!
And congrats on the record, Tara. U ultra trail runners leave me in awe!
I thoroughly enjoyed this article and agree with the author for the most part. However, I will say this, shaming someone for the way they hike is no different than shaming an obese person for being bigger while not knowing the circumstances behind their obesity. It could be a medical disorder, or they simply overeat. A book comes to mind called “Hike Your Own Hike” written by Francis Tapon. The hike was Tara’s and she should be allowed to hike it as she pleases. I’m not saying her hike was right for most normal people, but it was her hike. Who are we to judge.
I do however wonder if this is also the way she lives her life, by rushing thru it, doing everything at a fast pace. There are a lot of adrenaline junkies in the world that seem to be racing towards the grave. It has been a lifelong dream of mine to hike the AT. Now that I am retired and have the time, it is my health that prevents me from doing it. If by some miracle that I am ever able to hike it, then it will be at a leisurely pace without a care in the world of speed.
It should have been obvious from word one that this entire essay was tongue-in-cheek and that no one from The Trek would ever seriously criticize such an accomplished backpacker, well-known endurance athlete, and genuinely good person. Come on, people. Lighten up!
I dont understand making the point u r trying to make when you lead off by saying she has done the AT thru hike in 2019 and other trails as well. I’m assuming done without running so clearly has had time to enjoy all that you ticked off as things she is missing out on. Maybe she got to see things you missed entirely. Let people be.
JUST KIDDING
Definitely spent lots of time outdoors just based on her sun damaged skin
Too good! Read this aloud to my tramily on the PCT. Team slowpoke could not agree MORE with the author! All these speedy folks out here leaving their tents before 9am, tsk tsk. You can’t actually appreciate nature unless the looming threat of snow is over your shoulder
All I took from the essay and pictures is she really needs sunblock, she’s looks 60 with those crows feet
I don’t agree with the message of your article. Not only is there more than one way to enjoy hiking, there are a miriad of ways people enjoy the outdoors.
My next door neighbors are never going to go into the mountains without dirt bikes, a side by side and their beautiful toy hauler trailer full of beer coolers and marshmallow roasters. Should I shame them for doing what they enjoy, their way?
It feels like you missed the mark here and I am afraid to say it sounds a little narrow minded. Let adventure run wild however and where ever the wind drives the human spirit. Let’s celebrate people’s achievements rather than always fault finding and shaming.
I forgot…did the author happen to mention she hiked the AT? LMBO 😂 I’m kidding. I hike parts of it from Georgia to main. A few hundred miles. What I could do in 3 months. Most incredible adventure ever! Really really enjoyed reading this story… To the author; I look forward to more stories of yours. You are hilarious! Go Tara!
As an elderly female hiker of the A.T, I think it’s a challenging thing to even ATTEMPT. My comment here is meant in jest: “Sure, she did the whole A.T. FAST, but did she help to carry Bricky, THE YELLOW EMERGENCY HIKING BRICK for any of her miles? Over 100 2024 Thru hikers carried that famous yellow brick a few miles each.
Your ability to write “satire” or write at all is questionable at best. Save us all a great deal of trouble and learn to write in an actual humorous and meaningful way. All you’ve accomplished is wasting your time and ours. Not all who wander are lost, but your prose is completely unoriginal and without direction.