Facing my fears….trusting God’s timing
Before starting my hike on the AT, I thought my greatest fear was “being abandoned” or “being alone”…especially in the woods….in the dark with roaches and spiders…away from civilization. I found out that the trail was NOT a lonely place at all; in fact, it was filled with friendly faces, fellow hikers wishing you the best, and even lean-tos, potties, fire rings, and small rodents to keep you company. Although it’s named the “100 mile wilderness,” we passed a few roads, ran into fisherman and other civilians, and got cell service when we reached significant altitude.
What I DID learn is one of my greatest fears is facing my OWN messy life — the one that I’ve created by making several unwise decisions in my addiction for the past 10-15 years. Not to mention that my new spouse is not exactly enjoying the hike as much as we thought, and quite frankly, the idea of separating or “going it alone” is really too depressing. I guess I’ve been trying to run from my problems or hope that they would just be “swiped clean” with time on the trail. Magic, right?!
So it is a culmination of a million little things — financial, familial, legal, marital, spiritual — that brings us back home to Jacksonville, Florida. It’s not my first choice….facing the music and doing the really HARD WORK, and making our amends and working the 12 steps together as best as we can. Part of me is disappointed, devastated, and I feel like I started one more thing that I didn’t finish….ugg. However, the path of least resistance is usually THE WAY and staying on the trail at this point in time would be an uphill battle….no pun intended.
I DID find an awesome new sponsor, met many amazing friends, and learned that I WILL finish hiking the AT, but it might have to be in God’s time, not mine. Maybe someday I can get my kids or parents to join me on some of it!! So thank you for reading along with us, and joining us on the first 100 miles, and you will be hearing more when we get settled back in. Gods blessings!!
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