Failure Is Human
It isn’t an easy thing to feel like a failure. And I do. All the time. I dare these great things, but I can’t do them alone and it never works out having to rely on other people.
We asked for help in every way we could, but in the end we weren’t able to follow through with our plans to hike the AT.
Too much happened, and too much didn’t. We planned and prepared to the best of our ability, but there were just too many unpredictable elements at play. Every avenue for increasing our income fell through. The car had one catastrophic issue after another. My dad was transitioned into palliative care and the reality that I may never see him again became an overwhelming understanding of exactly how much my abuser has deprived me of and taken from me.
We were offered stability. A chance to take a step forward in our lives without having to fight every day to have enough to survive when we have barely been able to afford to eat for months.
Stability seemed like the right choice, but it meant sacrificing our plans to complete a NOBO thru-hike of the AT this year.
Grief isn’t just a process you go through when a loved one passes away, but an active part of everyday life. We shy away from it because it isn’t pleasant and it is usually not very kind, but it can be beautiful if we let it be. If we move with our grief, instead of against it, we can stand a little taller and feel a little bit less like a failure and perhaps understand our humanity all the better.
I feel like a failure because I am incapable of accomplishing a goal I so publicly committed to, but I am grateful for the reminder that I’m only human.
Sometimes the path we need to take is the one with the least resistance. Not because we are incapable of forging our own way, but because we are human and need to rest on occasion.
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