I’ve been different all my life. I have never fit in and I always stand out. I’ve been searching and wandering most of the time trying to figure out if I’m just that odd or just have the wrong address.
I’ve accomplished alot physically the past two years at Spartan and mentally along the way also, but I need more. I feel more welcome there in that community, but I still stick out and I’m desperate to find a place I blend in. Is that so wrong of me to wanna be apart of something bigger than me and just be a small fish in a huge pond?
This is what I hope to find on the trail. I wanna see things and experience God in the purest form. I wanna feel tiny in the open endlessness of nature and just be for awhile. Nothing pressing or no time to be anywhere or do anything. I just wanna see what I’m made of and then finally feel like just one person in line to complete something. Not a race to the finish, but a competition to find what I’ve been searching for. I know I’m out there somewhere and I just have to go find me.
So shuttle arrangements are bein made and it’s gettin real…. I guess it’s time to see what I’m made of. I can’t prep anymore than I have. It’s either go out and do it or just sit here and wish I was gone. I’m scared to death, but I know I have what it takes to survive it and then after a few days of mouth breathing and once the panic and tears cease, I might even start to enjoy it. Part of that is joking, but I know I will cry and I know I will wanna come home, but I also know I have to do this. I have to do this for myself and for those who can’t.
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