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I Miss The Appalachian Trail
A year ago today, I finished the Appalachian Trail. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her.
I say “her” because for some reason, that’s what the trail has become to me. She’s taken on an identity far beyond an “it” in my life.
I miss her like a person. Sometimes something reminds me of her mannerisms, and I’m launched into a memory. The whoosh of a car on the street in front of my apartment is occasionally at the perfect speed such that it resembles the sound of a distant mountain wind. Suddenly I am standing in the White Mountains all over again, staring into the mist on peak while a breeze rustles somewhere out in the abyss.
Or there will be a night when it’s cold and raining outside my bedroom window, and I think about her. I feel grateful for what she taught me, because in that moment, I’m extra thankful to be in my warm bed.
There are times when it’s hard. I miss her so, so much. I feel a little empty without her. But then I remember that I can go back. If we take care of her, she’ll be there far beyond our single human lifespan.
Sometimes I feel hints of concern, like it’s been too long since I’ve seen her and I want to go make sure we never forget about each other. It dawned on me that since 2019, I’ve spent time with her every single year – two long-ass section hikes, many shorter section hikes, one weekend of doing trail magic, and a week in this current year during my first time doing trail maintenance. For six straight years now, I’ve visited her. She’s not a fling or a fleeting friendship, she’s someone who will be special to me for the long haul.
And with each passing year, I learn more. I read more books about her. I visit her at different times of year, or in different ways. My respect for her wisdom only grows, along with the concern and understanding that I somehow have to help protect her, share her importance, her beauty, and her lessons. I don’t always know how or where I’m supposed to begin.
The trouble is, much like a person we can’t forget about, or one we miss, or a best friend that lives across the country, there are even moments I feel tiny pockets of a despair-like quality. As if I don’t know when I’m ever going to stop thinking about her and I almost wish it would stop so I can move on.
But unlike a human person, I never have to move on from her. I have to tell myself in those moments “I can go back, I will go back.” And then I feel a little bit better. Sometimes that perks me up enough to put some shoes on and walk out the door of my apartment. I visit her cousins, the forest preserves closest to where I live. She has family spread across this country, and I can meet them too.
I look back at what I’ve just written, and I’m not sure if it’s about the trail, or something else. It’s both, because that is exactly the significance of this trail. She is moldable and bendable to the needs of each person that meets her, becoming a metaphor to help us better understand the nuances in our own life.
Is this about the trail? Is it about missing those that are gone? About the one that got away? About that concept of post-trail depression? The importance and necessity of preserving natural places? Being happy and thankful to appreciate what’s right in front of us?
I didn’t even know this when I wrote the first sentence, but I guess it’s all of the above and more. Everyone who reads this gets to interpret it differently, taking away the pieces that resonate with them.
This is my one-year-since-completion reflection, and it turns out that I just really miss her.
A chilly night in a shelter, Georgia, 2019
North Carolina, 2019
Before descending into the Nantahala Outdoor Center, North Carolina, 2019
Filtered vs. unfiltered water, Virginia, 2019
Maryland/Pennsylvania border, 2019
North Carolina during a piece of history, 2020
Hikers at our trail magic setup, North Carolina, 2021
An unfortunate night for my tent, Pennsylvania, 2021
The famous trail angel “Fresh Grounds”, Pennsylvania, 2021
New York, 2021
“Showering”, Connecticut, 2021
Connecticut, 2021
Slugs moving into my shoe at night, Vermont, 2021
A fire tower shadow, Vermont, 2021
Coming across trail magic on a miserable rainy day, Vermont, 2021
Hostel run by The Twelve Tribes, Vermont, 2021
New Hampshire, 2021
Seeing familiar names in the shelter log, New Hampshire, 2021
Smarts Mountain Fire Tower, New Hampshire, 2021
New Hampshire, 2021
The Presidential Range, White Mountains, New Hampshire, 2021
The descent to Madison Spring Hut, White Mountains, New Hampshire, 2021
Maine, 2021
Northern Virginia, 2022
My brother up ahead, Shenandoah National Park, December 2022
Keeping the toilet paper dry, Tennessee, 2023
Snail friend on my knee, Tennessee, 2023
Overmountain Shelter in its final year, North Carolina, 2023
Drying out in the 100 Mile Wilderness, Maine, 2023
One year ago to the date of this post, Maine, 2023
This picture deserves a post of its own. Father and daughter, Maine 2023, after my dad hiked the mile to Katahdin Stream Falls and was there to greet me after I descended Katahdin! His first time meeting the AT.
Trail maintenance with the Konnarock Trail Crew, North Carolina, 2024
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Comments 2
I’m a week since the end of my thru hike and this hits hard. I’m also in the Chicago area but haven’t gone to any forest preserves since getting home. I need to get over the lack of elevation g/l and just appreciate being back under the canopy again.
Congrats on finishing your thru! There are a bunch of us in Chicago, I think it might be fun to organize a meetup sometime! Just a vague idea, but I think it would be fun to have all of the Chicago AT’ers in one place to swap stories and hang out one afternoon.
Something that really helped my friend and I around here, who also did the AT, was creating our own “long trail”. The Des Plaines river trail runs from the near west suburbs up to the Wisconsin border, and we “sectioned it”. We kept meeting up for walks on the next section until it was complete. Now we’re doing the same with the North Branch trail, and we talk about how it would be fun to take a few days to thru-hike these trails in one go too. Just ideas 🙂