June 5th … A Day Early

I found my original June 4th Post!

I’m writing this today, because I know I won’t have the time (and possibly no signal) to do it tomorrow …

Tomorrow is THE day … June 5th.  The day I dread and the day I am anxious to begin.

The day I Dread … On June 5th, 2016 my husband (Charlie) passed.  To call him my husband is an understatement … he was so much more … he is gone.  I simply can’t put into words the range of emotions I experience each day as I learn to live without him.

Charlie was my biggest supporter in every aspect of my life.  I spoke to him often about wanting to hike the AT.   He had experienced many adventures in his life, including hiking parts of the AT.  I on the other hand, had none.  So he and I began to plan our AT thru hike.  Those plans came to a halt when he was diagnosed with Stage 4, Metastatic Melanoma (Wear Sunscreen!!).  Unfortunately, his decline was rapid, so we focused on my completing the thru hike solo … he said, “If anyone can do it, you can” … and so IAM!

The day I’m anxious to begin … This year has been difficult.  Days filled with sadness, heartache, and tears.  Everyday there are tears.  Each month, on the 5th, I relive Charlie’s last moments and my grief seeps back in, as if it just happend.  Charlie will never be gone from me but I need something significant to occur on the 5th,  so this date will no longer be a day of dread, but instead a day of celebration.

So tomorrow, June 5th, I will celebrate Charlie, his life and his love, I will honor him and carry him with me as I mark this date with a new meaning.



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Comments 3

  • Bob : Jun 8th

    Hi Suzanne. I am very sorry for the loss of your beloved husband, Charlie. I lost my wife to cancer June 15th. 2015. She was 59. Like you and Charlie, she and I had plans for our future that came to a halt also. We hadn’t planned on hiking the AT together, but that is something that is in my mind now. Maybe a flip flop next year or the year after. I’m getting older though and will have to decide soon. 8-9 months older than your husband.
    I know how difficult this one year anniversary is. Emotions and feelings are still raw, like it was yesterday. Coming up on the two year anniversary of her death, I would like to say it gets easier, but it does’t seem to. It does change though.

    Grief never ends…. but it changes.
    It’s a passage, not a place to stay.
    Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith….
    It is the price of Love.

    (author unknown)

    I commend you on your strength and determination in starting this journey that you and Charlie had dreamed about and by starting on a day of dread, making it a day of celebration. I celebrate with you and wish you happiness, good health and wellness on your journey. Happy trails.

  • John E McCarty : Jun 8th

    We husbands have this annoying habit of slipping beneath the sod and leaving our brides behind. It is not something we plan to do or want to do…it just happens! We know that we were loved and will be missed but circumstances beyond our control had us launch a journey before we had planned. It is like a solo journey on a blue water sail boat. We will sail into the sunset, but hope to see you on the other side after you have finished your journey. Sorry for your loss. Hike onward!

  • Suzanne : Jun 14th

    Thank you Bob and John! I so appreciate your words of wisdom.

    If you’ve followed me, you know that I was unsuccessful at summiting Mount Katahdin … TWICE! I injured my knee on the last 1/2 mile at the bottom of Abol trail (2nd attempt) … which resulted in me having to return home for a few weeks to re-coup.

    I am now lost and emotionally a mess … any words of wisdom for me now?


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