Killing the Dream in New Hampshire and Maine: AT Flip Flop Days 85-91

Day 85 – The Injury

I didn’t sleep well during our last night in the Notch Hostel. I woke up every time someone got up to use the bathroom and struggled to get comfortable. I gave up on falling back asleep at 4:50, and went downstairs to have coffee and put the last of my things in my now very heavy pack. I had definitely packed my fears; I had extra clothes for cold, wet weather, and I had extra food in case the weather or other circumstances delayed my transit thru the White Mountains.

We got a ride back to Franconia Notch, where we had been picked up the day before, and walked the bike path back to the AT. We had a long climb to get up Mt. Liberty and connect to the Franconia Ridge trail, but it was a tourist trail and not too difficult. I cameled up on water at the Liberty Springs Campsite, our last water source until camp, 8 miles away. The trail came to a T intersection with the AT continuing north. I dropped my pack and took the blue blaze trail south to tag the Mt. Liberty summit just a quarter of a mile away to get the first great view of the day.

After the Mt. Liberty side quest, I got back on the AT and continued on towards Franconia Ridge. Just as I got to the alpine zone, I had my first stunning view of the ridge. My tramily was taking a break there for lunch, so I joined them.

Hiking on Franconia Ridge was something I’ll never forget. The alpine views from the ascents, summits, and descents of Little Haystack, Lincoln, and Lafayette were unreal. Aside from some unfortunate haze, we had a perfect weather day for what is often considered the most beautiful part of the trail. I lack the words to describe the majesty of the views, and my pictures do not do it justice.

At the summit of Lafayette, we split off from the crowd of day hikers to continue on the AT towards Mt. Garfield, our last 4k footer of the day before camp just on the other side of the summit. Leaving the tourist trail meant the terrain got more difficult in a hurry, especially once we were back below tree line. I was out of water and starting to feel dehydrated with a major headache coming on.

While concentrating on my footing during the climb up Garfield, I failed to see a dead tree hanging over the trail, almost parallel with the ground. I walked right into it, hitting it squarely with the top of my head. I doubled over and nearly fell down from the force of the impact. My tramily said they could hear the thud when I hit it. I was shaken, but since I already had a massive headache from dehydration, I didn’t actually feel any worse, at least at first.

I really wanted to be done for the day, and there were a few stealth spots around, but we needed to get to the campsite to get water. Garfield continued to beat us up until we finally made it to camp. The water source was at the beginning of the side trail to camp, so my tramily stopped to get water before continuing to camp. I knew if I took my pack off I wouldn’t want to put it back on, so I left my water bag with them and continued on to find some trees for my hammock. It was slim pickings at this site, but I found a site that would work for at least me and probably Steps too. I dumped my pack, went back towards the AT to pay the campsite host and retrieve my water bag.

We all tried to eat a lot of our heaviest foods to lighten our packs. I worked on rehydrating, but failed to get rid of my headache. I was more physically exhausted than I had ever been and mentally worn down. I wanted to quit again. The struggle and pain of the day didn’t feel like an even trade for the spectacular views. Regardless, there was nothing I could do about it that evening, so I went to bed and slept like a rock all night.

Day 86 – Is This the End?

When I woke up from probably the best night of sleep I’ve had on trail, I still had a headache. I was slow to get out of my hammock and pack my bag, not wanting to face the day. I ate my cold oatmeal and collected more water before starting the day’s hike, which began with a steep descent in an actual waterfall.

My headache worsened the more I hiked, and I became nauseated. Every step and drop down the rocks felt jarring. The clicking sound of my trekking poles reverberated in my head. For the first time in nearly 600 miles, I regretted sending my sunglasses home, as my eyes became more and more sensitive to the bright light of the sun. Worried that I might have a concussion, I texted my aunt, a retired medical professional, to get her recommendation. She asked me more about my symptoms and recommended that I take the day off to focus on rehydrating, refueling, and resting, and then see how I felt in the morning, but that I should be prepared to bail out if I still wasn’t feeling well or if my symptoms worsened.

The 2.8 mile hike to Galehead Hut took me 3 hours. My tramily was waiting for me, having arrived quite a bit sooner than I did. I inquired with the Hut staff and was able to get a bunk in the hut for the night. My tramily hiked on, but did not plan to go too far in case I was better in the morning and wanted to catch up.

I was the first to check in at the hut, so I had my choice of bunks. I chose a bottom bunk away from the door in the quietest place I could find. I tried to work on my blog, but I felt too tired. I took a long nap and woke up groggy and still sensitive to sound, but my headache felt a little better.

By dinnertime, and definitely afterwards, I was feeling quite a bit better. Dinner was delicious, and I had great conversations with the other guests. I met Baby Bear and Mette, who were out for an overnight, and I met fellow thru-hikers Blessings and Mosey. The huts get a bad rap among thru-hikers, but the Galehead Hut was exactly what I needed, and the croo members were extremely welcoming and hospitable.

It rained and stormed hard in the night. When it first woke me up, all I could hear was the water hitting the rocks, and I thought someone had forgotten to turn off the outside drinking water spigot. I nearly got out of bed to go turn it off before I realized it was just the sound of the rain. Some of the thunder sounded very close and shook the hut. I was happy to be warm and dry indoors, but felt for Jingle and Subtitles out in the elements (Steps had a reservation at Zealand Hut). I hoped they camped at a lower elevation.

Despite slowly feeling better throughout the day, I needed to face the reality that I might need to get off trail. Knowing that concussions take time to heal and that I still had 971 miles to hike in the South on top of the 360 miles I still had to go to Katahdin, taking time off would likely mean the end of the thru-hike attempt. To my surprise, I didn’t hate the idea of giving up the thru-hike. Taking August off to heal up before tackingling the South actually sounded pretty nice. I didn’t give it too much thought though, since everything would depend on how I felt in the morning.

Day 87 – A Glimmer of Hope

I woke up feeling better! The rest had done wonders for my body and my mental state. Breakfast at the hut was great. I texted my tramily (and family) that I was feeling better and would try to catch up today. I didn’t get a response from the tramily, so I figured they didn’t have service where they were, but I assumed they would get my message at some point in the day.

I started hiking around 8:00. The climb up South Twin felt easy with fresh legs. I also had Baby Bear to talk to during the climb; talking to someone always makes the miles go by quickly. We split up after the South Twin summit, since she and Mette were going on to North Twin, and I was taking the AT to Zealand. However, I found another hiker to talk to right away; his name was Next Level, and he was working on completing the trail in sections.

I stopped for lunch at Zealand Hut and hung out with Blessings and Mosey for a while before I moved on.

After a short descent, the trail after Zealand was flat and mostly rock and root free.  I was making good time, until I got to a flooded section. I scurried down a side trail to the Ethan Pond Shelter to see if my tramily was camping there. It was empty, so I grabbed some water and decided to push on. Our original plan called for us to stealth camp on the other side of Crawford Notch. I was a little worried since it was getting late, and I didn’t see any good stealth sites on the near side of the highway. As I got to the road, I met some other hikers who were getting a ride back to Lincoln, NH. I was tempted to ask if I could join them, since I hadn’t caught up to my tramily like I had hoped, but I kept my mouth shut and crossed the highway.

It was fortunate that I didn’t ask for a ride, because not long after crossing the road I saw a familiar tent and hammock. That had to be my tramily! I hollered out, and they were all happy that I had caught up. They had not had any cell service all day and never got the message that I was ok. They were worried about me and not sure if I was still on trail or not, but they took a short day anyway, just in case I was trying to catch them. It felt good to conquer a big day in the Whites and to catch up to my tramily.

I didn’t sleep the best. I had walked almost until dark and quickly set up, ate dinner, and went to bed. I usually need time to unwind before going to bed. It also didn’t help that we were still pretty close to the highway. It was a hot and humid night, which felt weird after being at higher altitudes for the past few days.

Day 88 – Dangerous Conditions

We woke up before dawn. After the long day yesterday and poor night’s sleep, I felt exhausted. The others had full water for the climb up Webster, but I had walked in with just enough water to get through dinner and breakfast. I filled up at the first water source and fell behind while filtering.

Even before the climb up Webster Cliffs got difficult, I was not in a good place mentally. Thinking about getting off trail the other day while I was not sure how injured I was had infected my thoughts, despite having a good day yesterday. I was already thinking I shouldn’t be out here, and then the trail threw all it could at me.

We had been warned that Webster Cliffs was a hard section, but a beautiful one. I don’t know about the latter, since the rain had returned and encased us in clouds once again, but I can confirm that calling it hard is an understatement. The trail appeared to dead end at a rock wall. I was confused for a few seconds trying to find the trail, but then I happened to look up and see a blaze at the top of the rock wall. After the first rock climb, I wasn’t confused anymore at the next 10 rock climbs. While it might have been fun to climb the rocks without a pack when it was dry, the wet rocks from the ongoing rain and a heavy pack made the climbs downright dangerous. At the top of one of the bigger rock climbs, one of my water bottles fell out of my pack, back down to the base of the climb. I had the (dis)pleasure of climbing that one twice. After summiting Webster, Mt. Jackson was not much kinder. My headache began to return, but I dismissed it, attributing it to stress from the dangerous conditions. I had had a headache in a similarly dangerous section in New York.

I wanted to quit. No part of the day had been any semblance of fun. The Whites in general were the part of the trail I had most been looking forward to, and I was hating it. I decided I could live with saving the 340 Northern miles I had left for another time when I could come back and actually enjoy it. I could take a month off and tackle the South in the fall. I felt like if I didn’t take a break and kept going, I wouldn’t enjoy the rest of the hike (all 1300 miles of it). I remembered meeting hikers in Northern Virginia at the beginning of my hike who were like this, not enjoying the hike and only continuing out of stubbornness and a sense of obligation, and I didn’t want to be like that.

I made it to Mizpah Hut around lunch time. Jingle and Subtitles were there and expressed similar intrusive thoughts about giving up on the North. The danger of the morning had gotten to them. Steps had hiked on, since he had a reservation at Lake of the Clouds Hut, our intended destination for the day, where he had a reservation and we were hoping for spots in the dungeon or work-for-stay. Jingle, Subtitles, and I decided to cut the day short and stay at Mizpah Hut/Nauman Tentsite, since the rain was getting worse and was going to be bad all afternoon and evening. We would reassess our options in the morning with an updated weather report.

I felt a little better knowing I wasn’t the only one who thought the conditions were not safe. If I could stick with my tramily, I thought maybe I could tough out the rest of New Hampshire and Maine. Jingle and Subtitles camped in their tent, but I paid to stay in the Hut. I thought a warm, dry bed would help me out. This hut experience wasn’t as restful as the first, since over half the hut had been booked for an AMC-guided trip with a ton of young kids. With the rain, they were all concentrated inside, running around inside the hut. I was pretty annoyed that the AMC strongly urges thru-hikers to travel in smaller groups through the Whites, but then they bring 40ish young kids on an AMC-run trip with only a few young adults supervising them. 

There were just enough stray adults staying at the hut for us to claim our own kid-free table at dinner. It was good to see Blessings and Mosey again. They had taken the much easier trail up to the hut from the AMC’s Highland Center. I was pleasantly surprised that it was actually quiet after the 9:00 quiet hours, and I slept well.

Day 89 – The First Hard Decision

During breakfast, one of the hut’s croo members read out the weather forecast. The clear day we were counting on had vanished, and the rain and storms were predicted to continue. After breakfast, Jingle and Subtitles joined me in the dining room so that we could make a plan (and so that they could score free leftovers). With the forecast changing for the worse and no break in the weather looking imminent, we decided to bail. We were not going to hike Mt. Washington and the rest of the 12ish mile traverse above tree line in rain and thunderstorms. Without cell signal, we could not plan much other than getting off the mountain. We decided to take the short trail down to the AMC Highland Center, where we could grab some wifi and make more plans.

Thankfully the hike down was pretty easy. We passed some other thru hikers we knew coming up the trail. They had been told that some people had fallen on Webster Cliffs yesterday and had been advised to take the easy trail. I told them they had made a wise choice, and I felt fortunate that my tramily and I weren’t among those injured yesterday.

Down at lower elevations, the sun was shining, but we could still see the clouds and rain over the mountains. With signal, we saw that there was no forecasted break in the rain in the foreseeable future, and Jingle and Subtitles did not want to wait for a weather window for Washington. They decided to skip up to Grafton Notch in southern Maine, cutting off about 72 miles. I decided to join them. I felt like this would get us through the most difficult parts of the trail and relieve some of my anxiety about finishing the North in time for my dad to join me to hike in Shenandoah in September during some scheduled time off. With this plan, we got lunch at the Highland Center, then we set about making arrangements to get a ride to Bethel, ME, and finding a place to stay. We settled on the Sudbury Inn for lodging and were fortunate to find a shuttle on short notice.

Susan with Serendipity Rides picked us up and took us to Bethel, over an hour away by car. This wasn’t how we imagined getting to Maine, but it still felt good to be here. We checked in for a single night in Bethel, because Subtitles wanted to get back to hiking right away tomorrow. Shortly after we checked in, Jingle texted and asked if I would be on board to zero in Bethel and add another night. My reply was, “Hell Yes!” We walked thru the town to scout out where to do our town chores tomorrow. Then we had dinner at the Suds Pub, which was conveniently in the basement of our hotel. It felt like the whole town was there; it was definitely the place to be. The pub felt like home, with the same vibe as the bars in Wisconsin. I ordered the fish and chips and tricked myself into feeling like I was having a Wisconsin Friday fish fry. It was great.

Day 90 – Zero Day Greatness

I slept great and woke up feeling refreshed, sleeping until 7:30. As a night owl, it pains me that 7:30 is now “sleeping in” territory. As I left my room to go down to breakfast, Jingle and Subtitles were just opening their door to go down as well. The timing was uncanny; I figured they would have been downstairs already to at least get coffee. After breakfast we went back to our rooms. I set about organizing my gear and figuring out what to send home and what I would need for resupply. Later in the morning, we went to the laundromat. We bought some drinks and snacks from the gas station next door for a second breakfast while we waited on laundry.

After laundry, we went back to the hotel. I was ready to get the rest of my errands done so that I could relax in the afternoon, so I gathered what I needed to send home. I stopped to get a sandwich for lunch at Le Mu, a Southeast Asian – Southern comfort food fusion place. Their Lao chicken salad sandwich was incredible, especially with the peach kimchi.

Thoroughly full from second breakfast and lunch, I shuffled down to the post office to mail some stuff home. Then I went to the grocery store to buy what I needed for my resupply to get me through the next 50 miles to Rangeley, ME. I didn’t need much food, since we had bailed midway through our last stretch. After resupplying, I finished packing my pack and food bag before laying down to rest.

After a good rest, I went over to Jingle and Subtitles’ room to make a plan for dinner and for getting to Grafton Notch tomorrow. We tried a few different shuttle drivers, but we were able to get a ride arranged for the morning after breakfast. For dinner, Subtitles and I walked down to the bar to place a carry out order, then we walked back to the grocery store to buy some beer. I picked up our food and hung out with Jingle and Subtitles over dinner and drinks.

I felt rested and ready to tackle the trail. Instead of feeling like failing, skipping ahead and giving up the thru hike felt liberating. I felt like I was continuing to hike on purpose and by choice instead of out of obligation to continue the thru hike. I was curious to see what the trail would be like and excited to be hiking in Maine.

Day 91 – The LASH Straw

*LASH = Long @ss Section Hike

We got up early to have breakfast right at 7 when the hotel started serving. Our shuttle driver arrived a little early at 8:15, but we were all ready to go.

It was good to be on a dry trail after so many days of rain in New Hampshire. There was a climb to start the hike, as is almost always the case after coming out of town, but it was not bad at all. Difficulty-wise, it felt like a Vermont climb. We took it easy and got back on a more relaxed break schedule. The view at Bald Pate was nice. The climb up Bald Pate East got a little tricky, climbing up an exposed, rocky slope, but fortunately it wasn’t straight up and didn’t really require using my hands. It felt good to hike strongly again.

After the Bald Pate East Peak, I started to get a headache. Initially I thought I had just waited too long to eat lunch, but as we continued hiking the headache became more severe and did not improve after lunch. We got to the second shelter, where we thought we would end our day, but there was a hiker there that made us all uneasy with his demeanor and nonstop complaining. None of us felt safe camping with him, so we moved on. I was feeling nauseated and dizzy on top of my headache now, and I knew that I was not ok. My head injury from Garfield was indeed a full blown concussion. I decided that I would get off trail as soon as possible to go home and heal.

At our last break, I felt at peace with this decision. I was sitting, leaning back against my pack, and looking up at the leaves outlined by the afternoon sun. It was one of the most serene moments of my entire hike. I enjoyed Jingle and Subtitles’ company, knowing that after today it would be at least a few weeks before I would see them again in Virginia.

A little while later at the last place we knew we would have cell signal, I struggled to decide between going into a hostel in Andover tonight or camping one last night and going into town in the morning. Ultimately I decided to go into the hostel, since there was a chance of rain overnight, and I did not want to travel home with wet gear. I called and got the last bunk at the Cabin and arranged to be picked up in about half an hour (it was just a mile to the road). As soon as I hung up the phone, the emotions of deciding to get off hit me hard. I hadn’t just hung up a phone call, I had hung up on the Northern half of my hike.

The last mile of the hike was tough, emotionally. My headache got worse as I fought back tears I should have just let flow. Just before the road by the brook where Jingle and Subtitles intended to camp for the night, we said our farewells. We vowed to keep in touch and meet up again in Virginia in September. I hurried up to the road, since the hike had taken a little longer than I had told the hostel.

The road to town was bumpy in every sense. The accommodations at the Cabin were not the nicest, but everyone was very kind. The owner’s son, who had picked me up, gave me some food for dinner and offered to shuttle me to the airport or wherever I would need to go. Since I had called so late and was the last to arrive, the only bunk open was a top bunk. When the other hikers learned why I was there, one of them gave me his bunk, which was a standalone single bed, so that I wouldn’t have to worry about climbing, falling, or hitting my head.

I called my parents to tell them my situation and to arrange my travel home. They happened to be driving home from vacation at their friends’ house in Wisconsin tomorrow, so if I could fly into Milwaukee or Chicago, they could pick me up on the way. The best flight I could find would get me into Milwaukee after 10 tomorrow night, so I booked it and let them know my itinerary.

Since I had just resupplied, I ditched most of my food and let the other hikers know it was up for grabs. They thanked me and took everything except some oatmeal. I showered, prepared my pack as best as I could for travel, and went to bed.

The end of the road.

Travel Day

I woke up still having a headache. I was tired and had a very long day ahead of me. I skipped the hostel’s breakfast and had some of the oatmeal I had put up for grabs last night. I let the owner’s son know I needed to get to the airport today whenever it was best for him (my flight out of Portland wasn’t until after 5). He quoted me a very generous price and said he could take me after the morning shuttle runs, so I paid for my stay and the shuttle after breakfast and sat down to rest while I waited for my ride. Some other hikers came in that morning for a zero/nero, and they happily took the last of my unclaimed oatmeal.

I got to the airport in Portland so early that I couldn’t check my bag yet. I waited around at the baggage claim, where none of the vending machines would take my card, and then moved back to the ticketing area when it got too loud. After checking in, I walked through security with no line and did a quick lap of the terminal to find the best food option. It was very limited, so I went to Burger King. I bought a book so that I would have something to read during my long day of flying and waiting.

My itinerary included a connection in Baltimore. I lived in Baltimore for a long time, and it felt strange connecting through there instead of leaving the terminal after landing. At least I knew the good places to eat there, so I had a nice dinner at Miss Shirley’s. My flight to Milwaukee was delayed about 40 minutes, but was otherwise uneventful. I finished the book I bought in Portland just before takeoff. I managed to get a little bit of sleep on the flight.

My parents were waiting for me just outside of security. It was great to see them, despite the circumstances. We retrieved my backpack from baggage claim and hit the road. We made it home around 3:45 in the morning. Being up that long and traveling did not do good things for my headache, but I would have plenty of time to sleep and recover in the days ahead.

Hiatus Update and Trail Plans

It has been over a week since coming home. I have been taking it easy to let my head, and really the rest of my body, recover. I am feeling a lot better and beginning to get active again. Mercifully, we have had some extremely nice fake-fall weather. After the hot and humid summer in the Mid-Atlantic and North East, the unseasonably cool and dry days and nights have felt wonderful. It has also been good to catch up with family, eat good/real/hot food, and sleep in a bed every night.

I will be going back to trail in September to take on the South. I am excited to hike familiar terrain in Shenandoah and see the highlights of the Southern half of the AT. I would like to finish at Springer no later than Thanksgiving, but I have plenty of time and won’t be in a rush. Finishing the South means I will have completed 1870 miles of the AT or 85% of the trail.

As for the miles in New Hampshire and Maine that I skipped, I will go back for them some other time. While I am bummed that circumstances did not allow for a safe and healthy thru hike, the consolation prizes are that I can cherry pick the best times to finish the beautiful Northern sections, and I can have the epic finish at Katahdin that I would not have had as a flip flop thru hiker.