Less than two weeks away!

I’m less than two weeks away! I really did not think I was going to be one of those people to move my leave date. It has been set in stone for months and I kept seeing posts online of people moving their leave dates back or bumping them up and each time that I saw that I would think “not me!” However, I went to a class at REI the other night and had a LEGIT anxiety attack in the middle of it because I thought long and hard about my original leave date being so late in the game (April 16). I looked at my calendar and had nothing booked after April 9 so with a few phone calls, I switched my flight up to April 10. April 11 will be my first day on the trail!

I go through waves of emotions. Yesterday, I spent the whole morning weeping. Change does that to me. I wept because I was bogged down in what-if scenarios. I wept because my dad wrote me a really sweet letter. I wept because I knew I had to pack up my room. I wept because my stuffed animals would miss me. I wept because I gave my niece custody of those stuffed animals while I am gone. I thought of Toy Story and how all the toys wanted were to be played with when Andy grew up. I wept because my to-do list is endless between now and the day I leave and i feel overwhelmed. I wept because an ex told me he was proud of me. I wept because I have my period and my body ached.  So much weeping.


BUT, today I woke up in a good mood. I did a load of laundry. I went to Costco. I bought food for my resupply boxes. I packed up my room. I addressed some boxes and figured out my resupply points. I set up my tent. I snuggled my dog. I listened to music and drank too much coffee and not enough water.


On or off the trail, there are good days and there are bad days. There are lows and there are highs. There is triumph and there is defeat. I try to remind myself on those days when I feel scared and nervous and achey that these feelings happen regardless of where you are or what you’re doing. The key is to move through it, to breathe, to remind yourself that this too shall pass.

So, I’m ready. I still have so much to do, but I will be ready and I am ready. To remind myself of the next few steps, I am going to post my to-do list right here:

  1. Treat clothes with Permethrin
  2. Go to the Apple store and figure out electronics because nothing makes sense and what is the cloud?
  3. Pack up Resupply boxes and address all of them properly.
  4. Pack backpack
  5. Hang a bear bag (dreading the most and has been on the to-do list for far too long)
  6. shave my body and put on lotion
  7. put passwords in phone for important accounts
  8. figure out how to blog from phone
  9. make sure important music is on ipod
  10. buy an audiobook for the trail or go to the library
  11. Write my coworkers a letter for being the best
  12. maybe weep more
  13. I legit have a place on my written to-do list that I made this week that says “bbq phone” but I can’t figure out what that means. Either way, I gotta bbq phone.

I think there are more things to do, but this is my list for now. The next time I blog may be from the trail. OH BOY!!!!


“You let time pass. That’s the cure. You survive the days. You float like a rabid ghost through the weeks. You cry and wallow and lament and scratch your way back up through the months. And then one day you find yourself alone on a bench in the sun and you close your eyes and lean your head back and you realize you’re okay. -Cheryl Strayed






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Comments 2

  • Hannah : Mar 29th

    Hi! I just read your blog post and it made me feel way less alone in the roller coaster of emotions I’ve been feeling prior to leaving for my thru hike. I sobbed my eyes out today after I met with the girl who is going to be living in my room while I’m gone. I’m so excited and I know deeply that I need to do this but I’m also scared. Scared that I’ll be lonely and homesick the whole time. Scared that I’m not strong enough. It’s a big deal that we’re giving up every bit of comfortability we know to enter a life unknown. I appreciate your honesty about your pre-hike feelings and I want you to know you’re not alone!!!! I start my trek on April 12th so I will probably see you out there. Good luck with the rest of your prep!!!!

  • Chuck Smith : Apr 4th

    Feel your anxiety. I am 69 years young and have done a lot of living, but there is more out there. My wife, 2 daughters and their husbands along with 4 adult grand children, their significant others push me to ….live life. Youth is wasted n the young. I am starting on May 29 from the approach trail, do not have a destination, just some where from the start.
    Hope to meet good people on the dirt.


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