Looking For Why: Introducing Eddy Li

Sparks of Commitment

At some point, my life was mostly about safety.

But, the best moments in my life came from taking steps off the predestined path. Like most first-generation Asian children, at first everything was in pursuit of academics. Studying, music, and some sports that I wasn’t interested in (sorry baseball — I don’t think I’ll ever understand you). Each hobby that I dabbled in was a means to the end — some way of furthering my skills to be wrung out for their “objective value.”

That was until one of those moments where everything fell into place and I just knew I had to do something. In 2015, I watched a theater performance of “drum corps.” And I was hooked. For those that don’t know, drum corps is essentially professional marching band. You sign up for an 85 day grind: long rehearsal days, sleepless nights on buses, and living out of a suitcase on high school gym floors. But, there’s a reward to the grind — you get to be a part of a 154-person ensemble, seeking perfection. To me, there wasn’t a value to it that could be exploited. It was just something cool to do. 

Yes, this is my definition of cool. Sue me. Indianapolis, IN

Common wisdom says to avoid it like the plague. Why waste a summer that could be spent on an internship, or some learning camp? Especially since I wasn’t going into music. But, to me this was a greater calling. To just be a badass; and… just do!

Sleepwalking

As an adult, I haven’t strayed off the set path of success in a while. I stopped doing drum corps when I was 19, and while I’ve flirted in and out of the pageantry arts world for a while, nothing’s ever been the same level of commitment. It’s always been a balance of trying to maintain my “career climb,” and establishing a “home base.” But to be honest, I’ve never felt content in this. I’ve never felt like I’ve really wanted to truly settle. Don’t get me wrong, I like my job. I have good friends, and hobbies that keep me engaged. And yet, something was missing…

I was working my 9-5 software engineering job, when in May, I had a very privileged dilemma, I was about to hit my PTO cap. While I wanted to do some crazy group vacation or climbing retreat… let’s be honest, it’s difficult to sync up that much time off with others. So, I started thinking about activities that I could do solo. Normally, I’m an avid amateur rock climber, but I didn’t own any bouldering pads, and didn’t want to start free soloing big walls. Travelling somewhere exotic didn’t appeal to me at the time — I’ve tried solo vacations before and they end up with me overbooking my schedule, having FOMO, and crashing out once I got home. I didn’t want to do indoor activities — I wanted to be out and about.

So, what can you do outdoors without others? Hike! But more importantly, I didn’t just want to commit to day hikes. Driving hours out of the city for a few miles of hiking is demoralizing. That’s where I went down the backpacking rabbit hole.

Notably, NOT a solo activity. Acadia National Park, ME

“Easy Classic”

Being out in New England, there isn’t much more to do than some flatter trails nearby… and the White Mountains. For my third backpacking trip, I didn’t do much research. I just knew about this “mega-classic 3 day route” called the “Pemigewasset Loop,” or Pemi Loop for short. Sure, I’d never been up one of these “4000 footers,” but it can’t be that bad right? Oh boy was I wrong.

Those 3 days were some of the most “miserable” moments in my life. It started dumping somewhere around day 2, where I also ran out of water traversing from Mt. Lafayette to Garfield. My pack was too heavy, my legs were killing me, and nothing had prepared me for the grueling fight that was climbing up any of the 4000-footers. This also happened to be the week of Juneteenth, where New England got hit with a record-breaking heat wave. While this didn’t translate to much heat at the top of the mountains, the sun was still beating down ferociously, burning my eyes.

My first taste of the AT. Some nice folks from Boston took my picture while I was taking a break! Little Haystack, NH

And yet, I kept seeing these beautiful little white blazes dotting the trail, illuminating my path. I didn’t know much about the Appalachian Trail at the time, but when I stopped in the Galehead Hut, I saw that there was a footpath that extended from Georgia to Maine, and followed along these beautiful ridges. At that moment, I think something clicked. Despite how miserable the experience was, I was hooked. Not in a torture or punishment sense, mind you, but in the sense that I signed up for something hard, completely of my own volition and ideas, and was able to accomplish it. No ulterior motive in terms of friendship, or some other form of progress. Just doing something to do something. I knew from that moment it was time to commit to something crazy.

Ok… Thanks for the life story?

Why vomit these words out? Something that I’ve been asked a ton in the past few months has been “why?” Why give up an extremely well paying job, career trajectory, community finding, etc, to just go on out. “You’re too young to have a crisis.” “It’s just rebellion.” Who knows. Maybe I’m drawn to how the trail draws the “outcasts” of society. It’s simple. I like doing hard things. Things that I never once thought were possible. Maybe it’s a rebel in me. I think it’s just I like challenge. As Scott Jurek once said, “This is who I am, this is what I do.” That’s what drum corps was to me. That’s what first drew me to backpacking. That’s what’s drawn me to this ultimate challenge.

But who knows. I think one of my favourite people to follow has been Jack Jones, AKA “Quadzilla” on Youtube. He’s also spent a lot of time vulnerable on camera, discussing what draws him back. It could be just looking for a community I can build, come back to, and connect with continually. I also have trepidations coming into this hike. It’ll be weird to be one of the few asians on trail. I don’t know how I’ll react to being alone for so long, or disconnected from my devices. But…

Either way, seeing me go through this exercise might be helpful for others. Maybe someone else resonates with this story. In the end, these are all the “rationalizations” we make for a dream. But in the end, a dream’s just a dream, and sometimes you act on it without thinking too hard about it. So, to start again.

Hi! I’m Eddy (I don’t have a trail name yet). I’m a 25-year old Software Engineer based out of Cambridge, MA. And I’m going to be attempting a Northbound Hike of the Appalachian Trail in 2025. I plan making daily vlogs (of varying quality), and blogging every few days on this platform. I hope you join me on this epic adventure!