My ‘why:’ I am hiking this trail & not quitting

As I sit here writing this post I have a strong cup of coffee on my coffee table, it is lightly snowing outside, a cat sleeping next to me, and my Thru-Hike Planner from ATC in front of me. I wrote my last blog entry a month ago, which unveiled all my nerves and excitement for setting out on this trek in the spring. Since then: I have picked a start date, highlighted some key mail drop spots that I think will be helpful, ran a half-marathon (WHHAT, yeah I did), read through Appalachian Trials (it is just so good– thanks Zach!) for a second time, negotiated the possibility of returning to my *new* job after the trail, stole generously accepted more granola bars, read countless blog posts and followed most of the SOBO hikers on Instagram, and I have stared at my backpack for who knows how long.

Needless to say, I am making progress.

I am still so behind on where I think I need to be strategically at this point, but then again there is no set way to plan for this. So I am trying to just remain calm and trust that with patience, gratitude, and my stubbornness, I will be okay come the spring.

In Appalachian Trials, Zach invites his readers to make three lists: “I am Thru-Hiking the Appalachian Trail because,” “When I successfully thru-hike the Appalachian Trail, I will…,” and “If I give up on the Appalachian Trail, I will…” Well, Zach, I am going to tackle those lists right now. Let’s emotionally and mentally prepare for this hike!

I am thru-hiking the Appalachian Trail because…

  1. I have told myself that I will do this, I have made a promise to myself.
  2. I need some serious one-on-one time with God, walking in the wilderness–the garden–will give me that time.
  3. I want to be with and serve the hiking community. I want to meet interesting people and share in this life changing event with them.
  4. I want to see the beauty of the mountains, and I want to earn every view.
  5. I have talked about this for five years to everyone I can think of–now is the time to do it!
  6. I am young, mighty, strong, and capable.
  7. I am ready to fall in love with myself and God again.
  8. I want to challenge and strengthen my mental, emotional, and physical being.
  9. I want to experience the thrilling nature of a thru-hike. (pun intended)
  10. God has placed it on my heart and in my head, and I can’t ignore it.

When I successfully thru-hike the Appalachian Trail, I will…

  1. Feel an overwhelming sense of accomplishment and gratitude.
  2. Be able to say my body carried me 2,189 miles from Georgia to Maine.
  3. Smile every time I hear the trail mentioned.
  4. Have a clearer mindset and heart with regards to my relationship with God.
  5. Become closer with my two hiking pals, forming an endless bond.
  6. Encourage others to grab a pack and head out as well, even if it is just for a day-hike.
  7. Appreciate creation and the creator more than I do now.
  8. Gain a tremendous repertoire of random-ass knowledge for future trivia nights.
  9. Feel strong.
  10. Find a new part of myself.

If I give up on the Appalachian Trail, I will…

  1. Regret it.
  2. Doubt myself.
  3. Disappoint myself and those excited for me.
  4. Miss out on a beautiful opportunity to challenge myself and explore who God created me to be.
  5. Fulfill all those negative and self-deprecating thoughts I store in my mind.
  6. Give up on a dream that I have had for 5 years.
  7. Feel incomplete.
  8. Have wasted the energy and resources that I cobbled together to make this happen.
  9. Be a quitter.
  10. Feel shame.

Just looking at these lists, I feel calm about the trail. I have done pretty much everything I have ever set my mind/heart to do, and this hike is no different. Getting caught up in the need to be someone or do something a certain way is my greatest obstacle.

I love the mantras offered in Zach’s book and through the trail “Hike Your Own Hike,” “Trust the process,” and the like, but I am going to set a goal for myself to develop my own mantra–one that is for me, to push me further and to live into the experience.

When I was training for the half-marathon, people asked me my goal time for the race… my response was this: “I have three goals: 1) finish the race 2) not to have a mental breakdown midway through the run and 3) not be picked up by the sweeper van. I don’t care if I have to crawl over that finish line… I will finish.” I finished that race. I had a minor/internal/no one really noticed breakdown at mile 7. And I was not picked up by the sweeper van.

I can hike this trail. One step at a time. One cold rainy day at a time. One beautiful and breathtaking view at a time.

I will hike this hike and I will stand on Katahdin with a huge smile on my face and know that I am capable to do anything.

Now, I need to print out these lists and put them on my mirror and remind myself that I WILL HIKE THE APPALACHIAN TRAIL.

In Peace, friends.

Alli

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Comments 4

  • Zach : Oct 28th

    Beautifully done, Alli. I hope (and believe) this will serve you well in your journey.

    Reply
    • Alli : Oct 30th

      Thanks Zach!

      Reply
  • Noelle : Oct 30th

    Alli, thank you for this post. I enjoyed reading your lists. I’m pretty sure yours is the first thru-hiker/potential thru-hiker’s blog post I’ve ever read that says that anything about God. God has put a thru-hike on my heart and in my head as well, and I love hearing that God has said that to someone else too! I have no idea how I’ll accomplish mine or when (or for Heaven’s sake, WHY), but I’ll do it. 🙂

    Reply
    • Alli : Oct 30th

      Noelle, that is so good to hear. My hike has so much to do with God that I can’t separate this hike from my relationship with God–and not mentioning that feels incomplete. I hope you do hike one day 🙂 Keep me and my team in your prayers, we will surely need them.

      Reply

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