Pringles Emitting Wisdom, AT Macramé Wall Hanging at Boots Off and Being Persuaded in a New Direction

     I took interest to Pringles since the day I first met her at the hostel. She had an aura about her, emitting so much confidence and a deeper knowing. Her posture, the way she moved around the room and they way she talked to people was so inspiring.

     Like a curious child, I asked, “When did you stop giving a shit?”

     Without hesitation, she answered, “38.”

     She gave me so much advice about guiding with love, not my pussy, in order to connect on all three levels: mind, body, spirit. Otherwise, I would continue to attract people that were missing things in certain departments. She seemed to hold so much wisdom for women that were in the process of learning how to navigate in relationships.

     Most of the day, I worked on weaving pinecone pods for Sidetracked and Pringles. I also finished the large AT macramé wall hanging decor piece. It was one of the more challenging pieces I made, but I loved the feeling of being able to expand my horizon and trust in the movements of my hands.

     Pusher came back to the hostel in the late afternoon, covered in sweat after slackpacking.

He saw me, but didn’t acknowledge me. He went to sit on the porch steps and I followed him, sensing him energetically leading me.

     He told me I had a fan club just ahead of me calling me the “legendary Freyja.”

     “You’re famous,” he said.

     “So I’ve heard,” I chuckled.

     With a deep calmness, he breathed, “but I don’t think you’ve ever met anyone who had self control around you.”

     I observed him. I focused on his features. He was a mixture of African American, Native American and French Canadian. His lips were plump, his eyes held darkness although light in shade. His skin a smooth tone of cocoa, his hair burnt sienna. Through my gaze, I revealed that I wanted to taste every aspect of him.

     He said, “You can’t look at me like that, especially when you’re dating someone else. It would crush him if he saw.”

     I sat there in an air of aloofness.

     He said the way I looked at him was addictive—as though I was his lover, teacher, God, brother and father all in one.

     My eyes read, Just take me right now.

     He caught my vibe and said, “Oh my god, you might as well just start touching yourself right here and now. I mean, you’re already halfway there.”

     He looked over into the distance, just past where Voodoo stood. He started describing a vision, explaining how he wanted to lay me down on the porch… spread my legs open to feel the warmth of my yoni before he went in for a kiss… making me cum over and over again on the safety of his tongue—just the thought of it was making droplets of his seed soak through his pants. I desperately wanted a taste, but he didn’t allow me permission.

     He asked me if I liked pain and I nodded yes.

     He goes, “Mm, see, that’s too bad, because now I know I can’t use it as a tactic to discipline you when you view it as a reward.”

     My shoulders shrugged, upset that I might not get what I wanted.

     “Regardless, I don’t think you’re ready for full submission. It seems your past lovers have spoiled you,” he said.

     The way he spoke to me with such persuasion and confidence made me realize my time with Voodoo was coming to an end. I had a fun run, but I preferred a man who could stimulate both my body and my mind.

     Later, Pusher says to me, “I’ve decided I’m going to tease you while you’re out having fun getting bent over by other hikers in the woods and taking their cocks, fulfilling all your urges. Hopefully it adds to your pleasure and maybe even gives you some ideas.”

     It turned me on when a man detached from the idea that I would be faithful to him. I knew I would come back to him with my pussy full of cum from multiple men and the fact that he still wanted to receive a taste of me just drove me fucking mad.

     He said he would take me shopping to the hardware store for some supplies.

     “I can’t wait for the look the cashier is going to give us, knowing everything we’re buying is going to be used on you.”

     He had my mind racing in circles. I was hooked and he knew it. I could feel myself being spun into his trap—or was he being spun into mine?

     Later at night, Voodoo and I laid in bed next to each other like brother and sister surfing incestuous dreams. When I looked into his eyes, it felt as though we were miles away from experiencing true connection.

     “I’m feeling really insecure that you saw how I really am and now you want nothing to do with me. I feel like you lost interest,” he voiced.

     I opened up and cried, “I feel insecure, too. I feel like you don’t want me.”

     He goes, “Baby… baby, is that what you really feel? You feel like I don’t want you?” He pulled me closer and said, “Of course I want you. What would ever make you think that?”

     I was going through some heavy emotional waves. In that moment, the overall feeling I experienced was feeling unloved, which was the basis of all illusions: we were either loving or calling out for love.

     I laughed many times in the midst of our fight/waterworks, but Voodoo started to feel self conscious, thinking that I was laughing at him.

     I chuckled, “I’m not laughing at you, it’s just gosh, we’re both being so dramatic right now.”

     I’ve been in situations like this for quite some time, however this time I could feel the pattern slowly chipping away… a shift was occurring.

     I felt I was able to take a step back from the situation and remember that it was all funny. There were still moments where I found I would fall back into a state of seriousness, however I was able to be more watchful and observant of the temptation I had to make things real.

     Once the feelings faded, we looked at a map together so I could show him where I would be hitchhiking from and to.

     I joked, “This will be fun going through all of the sketchy cities again!”

     “Yeah, that’s why I think I should come with you to help protect you,” he expressed, “I can feel my connection for you has gotten deeper and I know you told me from the beginning that you’re not looking for anything serious, it’s just what I feel with you.”

     The feeling was very mutual. Sometimes, I wished for something more with Voodoo, but I sensed I just couldn’t meet him where he was at, nor could he meet me where I wanted him to be. There was no point in pushing or forcing something that clearly wasn’t meant to be at this moment in time.