Sometimes Winning Means Knowing When to Quit
New post, who dis?
It’s, ahem, me. Sorry it’s been a while, but here I am. And, wherever ‘here’ is, it’s no longer on my Appalachian Trail thru hike. If you’ve been following me on social media, you already know the story but in case you’re not, let me recap a little here.
First of all, attempting a thru hike of the AT was everything I had heard it would be. It was challenging, exhilarating, terrifying, wonderous, predictable, surprising, beautiful, uphill, downhill, social, lonely, hot, cold, windy, wet, muddy, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. All of my planning was clutch. My gear choices were fantastic. My prior conditioning and limiting daily miles to around 8-10 kept my feet and joints in great shape. I was well-planned yet pivoted as needed. Everything was going my way!
Until it wasn’t. I’ve had lifelong digestive issues which, in anticipation for this thru hike, I had under better control than it had been in years. I’ve never had digestive issues flare ups on any of my previous backpacking trips, including multiple section hikes of the AT, so it was a huge surprise to me when issues flared up early on the trail. No matter what I tried and no matter how many zero days I took, not only could I not improve my health situation but it kept getting progressively worse. Just a few weeks in to my hike, I had to concede that getting off trail was right thing to do.
Bad news for sure. But the good news is, I have no regrets. It was almost a month after coming home before I was pain free and I know that I could never have continued, no matter how much my brain wanted to. And that’s why I think I have zero remorse about being unsuccessful in my first attempt at a thru hike of the AT, it wasn’t because I wasn’t mentally tough enough. I had intestinal fortitude, I just didn’t have cooperative intestines.
No longer walking with spring, but reveling in summer
But when one privy door closes, a schedule window opens. I had cleared my calendar through October for my hike so since coming home from the AT every single event or interaction has been ‘bonus’. I have always tried to be mindful and grateful of the moments I’m in, but living in this ‘bonus time’ means that celebrating family events, hanging out with friends, and even mundane chores have felt even more magnified in gratitude. I’ve made sure to get some hiking in, both with friends and solo. I’ve been able to go on some great ‘girls trips’ with pals. I’m catching up on things around the house. And sometimes I do nothing. The trail helped me realize that I had lost that ability somewhere in the years of trying to hold up a marriage, seeking to be a selfless mother without needs, running time consuming businesses, and generally constantly carrying a burdensome mental load. I may not be crossing state boundaries any more, but I’m learning to set my own boundaries.
This doesn’t mean I’ve left the trail behind completely. For weeks after I was home, I dreamt nearly every night that I was still on my thru hike. While the frequency of these dreams has waned, just this morning I awoke from a reverie of being on trail. When I’m awake, I still read about the AT, listen to podcasts about the AT, and, of course, I’m following fellow hikers as they journey toward Katahdin. Most of them have had to leave the trail for various reasons, but I can’t wait for the day coming soon when I see someone I knew on trail standing on that iconic, weathered sign at the northern terminus of the AT.
So what now?
Well, a few things. First and foremost, my happy hiking self has plans to go back to the AT this September for a section hike, both as a palate cleanser of sorts and as a celebration of what I was able to accomplish this year. I still want to do a complete thru hike of the AT in the future, but it will be a few years before everything aligns again to provide me with months of free time to do so. That doesn’t mean I’m giving up thru hiking altogether. I plan to thru hike the Colorado Trail next summer, hopefully The Trek will let me continue to share here and I can keep you updated!
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Comments 6
Listening to your body is very important. Last year when we attempted a thru-hike, there were several hikers who passed us who were in great pain. In my mind hiking is supposed to be enjoyable and having a great time. We are now MYTH(ic) adventurers on the AT. An Ohio Trek writer used this term and we have adapted it: Multi Year Thru Hike. Our trail name also changed Team Ohio: AT Tourists. We are adapting the tourist feeling on the AT. We will be heading out sometime in the fall to pick up a section that we missed… chilling on the AT. Peaceful travels Dessert Queen.
Yes, it seems like most of the people I was hiking around who had to get off trail was because of physical conditions (knees, feet) that they tried to manage but ultimately just couldn’t. A lucky few were able to take a week off trail and get back on and are still going!
So glad you’ve found your place and pace for the AT! A MYTH may be more stretched out than a thru but in a way it may be more difficult because you’ve got to re-earn your trail legs each time. Best of luck to you!
i relate to your story: i had to call it quits after 1/4 of the LT. Awesome gear, awesome prep, but i hit a wall at some point, and could go no further due to major chronic pain. i was very glad to be able to do as much as i did, but still had to go trough some grieving process… i might continue some sections over the years, we’ll see…
Sly the Navigator
Sorry pain stopped you from having your epic adventure but I hope you can keep getting out there!
Hi Traci. I am catching up after completing my AT thru hike, and you were one of the people who contributed a lot to the class of 24 and so wanted to follow up on your journey. You should still be proud of what you did and also that you listened to your body and made the right decision for you. There are plenty more adventures in life and I am sure that you will make the most of your opportunities.
Awwww, thanks 🙂