Tough Decisions

After a rocky start, I am on the Trail. Well, kind of. Right now, day 3, I’m at a hostel getting warm and dry. It has been unending rain here, and I’ve been pretty miserable, to be honest. I couldn’t even make myself go to the next shelter, and stopped in the middle of two mountains, two shelters, and called for a ride out. I’m very seriously thinking of quitting. I’m not sure this is my dream anymore.

The wet and cold hasn’t let up. I cried a lot last night, I cried today while hiking, I cried when I called my parents or got texts from brothers and sisters. I’m a mess. Now that I’m at a hostel, I guess I’m a clean and dry mess. Today, I could barely see 20 feet in front of me – not even a nice view to convince me! People are good but I hate everything else. It was so so cold last night, I wasn’t sure I would ever stop shivering, and I had on just about every layer possible, and a sleeping bag liner. I’m barely eating, my stomach won’t go for it. This morning in the bitter cold and tease of sunlight, I made oatmeal – 1 whole packet – and some instant breakfast. That went down, which was a relief. I didn’t have anything else until we ordered pizza from the hostel, around 3.

Of course, everyone thinks I should give it some more time. At least get to Neel Gap. Another hiker, ACO, and I gave up at Horse Gap. She may give up for real; I’m still deciding . I’m trying to see if I can stay here another night, wait out this terrible weather. I just hated the thought of my next few wet days. Everyone says I should try longer but everyone would love to have me home. My dad says it’ll get better and that I haven’t bothered to make any friends. It’s hard to make friends when you’re crying. Though I did spend about 20 minutes talking/crying, and this woman gave me all these numbers and ideas for people or hostels to talk to. I miss my family and my warm bed, the woodstove, my dog. Maybe this isn’t the dream I wanted it to be. I could so easily board a plane home right now.

Oh – due to my speed and annoying habit of thinking too much, I decided to become Ent yesterday.

Proof I’ve done stuff (the sun really only came out for 10 minutes, which was so sad).