Wandering in the Wonder

These last few days have been quite surreal. I’ve gone from pure panic to numb to gentle calm – all in cycles of about 20 minutes over and over and over again. It’s really hard to wait. And yet, waiting is all the really is to do. When you plan to be in the woods for six months, it becomes necessary to shut down a lot of other aspects of your life. And as you begin to shut those doors, you start to acquire a lot of empty space. Initially, that space feels really good. A breath of air so to speak. Then that space turns into a place of unknowing, anticipation, and wonder.

And that wonder is not in the form of daydreaming.

The daydreaming started a long time ago and I’ve created quite a novel in my head. A story about what it could be like, because, of course, I have no idea, but that will truly be. And not only have I daydreamed about my life on trail, but I’ve also daydreamed about my future post hike. And then, then comes the wonder…

I wonder who the “me” will be that returns from the trail? How will the challenges change me? Will I come back craving the routines I’ve had for the last several years? Will the things that matter now not matter anymore? Will I be able to readjust to a non-thru-hiker lifestyle? Will my friends and family see the difference? Will they accept the new me? Or will they be confused? … concerned? … curious?

A Brave New Me

I hope I can allow this adventure to infect me … yes, infect me – with community, simplicity, and awe. May my journey inspire a rebirth into a recommitment of the old and a steady progress into the new. May I be changed, renewed – and may I have the courage to reveal that newness.

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Comments 2

  • Rob : Mar 6th

    It will infect you. Coming from Florida, I was infected by the Scottish Highlands last April. I will never be the same until I’m back there in the solitary beauty of Scotland. My heart aches for it daily now.

    • Tara Graham : Mar 16th

      I understand that feeling 🙏


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