for those WTF moments
Hello! I’m jumping into blogging about a month after jumping into the decision to hike the AT in 2017. Actually, ‘jumping into the decision to hike the AT’ is a bit hyperbolic, as this trail has been on my mind for years, but the decision to actually to do it this coming spring was a bit spontaneous. I was recently telling a friend I wanted to make a change. She asked what I wanted to do, and the first thing that came to my mind — the first thing that always comes to my mind — was ‘hike.’ I’ve had this exchange with countless others over the last year.
“If you could do anything, what would it be?” “What would give you joy?” “What would you rather be doing?”
I’m not sure why it took so long to hit me, but I’m chalking that up to fate/the universe/whatever-higher-power-you-do-or-don’t-believe-in sparking that lightbulb moment in me with just enough time to get ready for the NOBO AT season.
And now here we are! It’s gonna be amazing and awesome and I’m so excited.
…but also, wtf?!?! Occasionally….once or twice….sometimes….maybe….I’ve been succumbing to wtf thinking. As in, wtf am I about to do?!?
I have a great job where I work with amazing colleagues I’m lucky enough to also call friends. I have wonderful family and pets and people who love me and whom I love and too many best friends to count. I am settled into a lifestyle and routine that is comfortable and easy and for which I am incredibly grateful. And yet….
I am seeking a meaning in life that I don’t feel at the moment. I want to do something hard and adventurous and crazy and fulfilling and meaningful. I want to live in a way that I’m not. I want to worry about things that matter, like food, water and shelter; and not about the little things that fill my day with stress, but that I’m keenly aware are so trivial. I want to watch the sun rise and set, learn how to sleep outside without being afraid of the dark, and test the limits of my body and my mind. I want to be excited by a beautiful view and meet weird and fun people and be weird and fun and dirty and cold and happy. I don’t want to be comfortable. (Oh I know how quickly I will regret writing ‘I don’t want to be comfortable.’)
I haven’t written my Why I’m Hiking lists yet. I’ve noticed that the whirlwind of making this monumental decision, shopping for gear, and announcing my intention to everyone in my life has been quite a high. I decided to wait until I come back down to earth and feel more grounded in the reality of this adventure to sit down with myself and write them. But I’ve bookmarked some of the other bloggers’ lists, like here and here, to read after I’ve drafted my own (which I will be sure to share, along with my Type-A gear spreadsheet, others’ reactions to this adventure, and the music that’s been motivating me).
More to come, and happy hiking….
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