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Praying to See Things Differently
I felt as if the body sense felt so real in the moments I experienced those urges. I could sense the little girl inside me just wanted to be loved. I didn’t know where I got mixed up down the trajectory of life thinking love meant it had to do with my body or getting myself off through someone else’s body. I closed my eyes and prayed to God to give me the strength to see it differently. I asked to be relieved from the suffering. Most wouldn’t view sexual urges as a form of suffering, however anything that was idolized or claimed to give relief in the world was a form of suffering.
Hitching Back to AT and Dancing at Taco Bell
I did a little overview in my mind of the past few months. I remembered how just under a month ago (and the entire winter) how depressed I felt. I wondered why I self-sabotaged myself by going back to a place that I loathed, just to spend time with family. And don’t get me wrong, I absolutely loved spending time with my family—it was very important to me—but not worth sacrificing my own happiness. I then noticed how I felt when I was on trail. Genuinely joyful and giddy—felt as if I was laughing 99% of the time. Sometimes, it took me a while to put two and two together and to accept the fact that I preferred to live a simple life.
Foothills Trail Sidequest
As I laid in my tent at night, I smiled at the faint silhouettes of objects that surrounded me. I caressed my tent with my hands and thanked it for keeping me warm and dry the past couple of years. I smiled and thought about how often my mom worried when I told her I would be going out hiking again. I always reassured her that there would be so many people with me, yet still, I found myself drawn to be away from the crowd to drop into stillness. Been that way since I was a child.
Mandala Third Eye Expansion
I took the protractor and outlined some faint lines for a mandala. I breathed into the moment and gave space for the inspiration to blossom. Some hikers sat behind me and asked all about my hiking adventures as I gave them a live art show. They took notice to my macramé rings and so I took them off my fingers and gave one to each person that was sitting there. I told them I had been wearing them since the PCT in 2019 and that I was ready to let go of them.
Building Confidence in the Path that was Given
I guess it will never be—at least not at this moment in time. I feared to my core that with another person I would draw back from the wild and often intense situations that led me to the richest experiences. The escapades on the road and on trail felt as though they brought me to the edge of my salvation. And it appeared that the path of solitude was the avenue I was given to receive the deepest insights that would over time blossom into self-reflective awakenings.
Insights About Compassion for Apparent Others
So, all in all, be gentle with those you claim to hate for they are only coming out of your own mind. The burden you put on them is weighing on your own heart, not theirs. Let go of the need to control people and have them behave a certain way, because you don’t really want them to be different as they are. You actually need them to be exactly as they are in order to see that you’re making them that way, all for the purpose of healing. If you see them as anything less than holy innocent, you’re having a misperception. And, you can celebrate, because you’re making it all up!
Tramily Adventure Up Blood Mountain
Before we went to bed, Wheelbarrow gave me a massage gun used for releasing muscle tension. I put it on the lowest setting, placed it on the side of my butt and said, "Woah! This thing is 5x more powerful than my vibrator!” He laughed out loud, “Dual purpose.”
Tornado Prevents Hikers From Getting Briskets
It was announced that a tornado touched down in Amicalola and was headed our way. As of then, we were only experiencing a “pre-storm.”Castles stands up and yells, “Well shit! I’m gonna go put my socks on!” None of us knew what that had to do with anything but we fully supported him.
Learning to Embrace the Rain
The shelter was fully packed by noon. We filled out the hiker log and ate lunch/dinner. Pink asked if he could have one of my macramé rings so I let him pick his favorite. He put it on his ring finger and I quickly noticed mine was on my ring finger, too. I joked, “Guess we’re trail husband and wife!”
Laser Light Show in the Forest
He took a hit of his joint and said, “We’re all just in a single file festival line walking from Georgia to Maine.”