The Storm Before the Sunshine

In the final weeks leading up to a major trip or change, time seems to fly by faster than a hurricane. It tends to feel just as chaotic too. Though without a deadline life can even drag on, still and stagnant, once there’s a definitive end date a storm starts to brew.

Feeling the Pressure

I’m feeling the pressure today, though this is high rather than low pressure. As I watch a literal storm pass through the Tahoe area, I’m conflicted by the feelings of wanting to stay cozy and contemplatative, and the urge to run around like crazy to catch what supposedly needs to get done. I’m trying to remain calm, but the flurry of anxiety, excitement, and nerves builds as my departure date grows closer.

I know I’m not alone, but it is unique to my current climate as no one else around me here is preparing to leave for the entire extended summer season. Trips, sure, but leaving behind one’s pets and lives for almost 6 months would cause anyone to brood.

Processing Previous Downpours

I think it’s worth acknowledging that not everyone is trying to escape their current lives out on the trail. It was definitely easier to hop on the PCT back in the day when I’d just finished my undergraduate degree and had no real roots anymore as most of my best friends were departing the area too. One of the reasons I’m getting out onto the trail is to process and repair previous downpours in my life so to speak. But boy do I already feel homesick for my kittens and my quiet home, before even leaving.

At this point I’ve said goodbye to friends, trying to maintain momentum as I finish the last bits of housework, scrape together the final pennies, and run my final errands. There’s no good way to say goodbye to your pets though. They don’t get to understand a set goodbye and know with surety that you’ll be coming back. I did have someone recommend that I check in with them on video chat, which seems both silly and lovely, and I’m looking forward to that.

Jump into the Fog

Life is always full of trade-offs and junctions where we must choose which path we’ll take. As I try to keep my head on straight these last couple of weeks before the trail, I am looking forward to the figurative and literal sunshine after this current storm. I know that pursuing this bucket-list goal will brighten my life in ways I don’t yet understand. I am here, jumping into the fog.