Day 3- Colorado Trail

I woke up slowly and made myself a cup of black coffee. I quietly walked outside of the hostel to sit next to the river to enjoy my coffee and breathed in the chilly morning air. Having a full day of rest felt very much needed and I was so grateful that I gave that to myself. I trusted myself to know when it was time to ease off and allow myself to rest. I had never really felt that- trust in myself. There is an ongoing pattern in my life to pivot the second that I feel uncomfortable or feel self-doubt. I am never fully trusting of my own decisions, but there I was sitting in Bailey, Colorado drinking my coffee next to the river. I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be because somehow I got myself there. 

My To-Do list for the day was short. All I needed to do was wash my dishes, dry out my gear from yesterday’s storm, and charge my devices. That meant that I had the entire rest of the day to attend Bailey Days, a festival that the town of Bailey throws each year. I quickly did my chores and then went to town to grab some breakfast at Cutthroat Cafe. I ordered a short stack and a side of bacon. Festival-goers surrounded the cafe, most of them in couples or groups of friends while I was by myself. I was not unfamiliar with the feeling of eating alone, but being alone in this restaurant felt weird- slightly lonely, slightly fun, and slightly comfortable but uncomfortable at the same time. Part of me wished that my fiance was with me so that we could share the comfort of town with each other, but another part of me was happy that I was getting the time alone to learn more about myself and be more comfortable just being me- just being. 

I walked around to a few vendors after eating. I sampled some jerky and baked goods and looked at handmade jewelry, but all I wanted was fresh fruit. Ever since I got to Bailey my body had been craving actual nutrients. I walked a bit further and there I saw it- the Palisade Peach stand. I fast-walked over to the stand to see that they only had apricots and cherries. I happily bought a pound of apricots to pack out and did not care that my pack would be heavier. I needed the nutrition and fresh food and was willing to sacrifice my pack weight for a couple of days. 

My next goal of the day was to resupply and replace my rancid, inedible meals (Read Day 2). The only place in town that would have a halfway decent resupply was the gas station. When I walked over to the doors I saw a sign that said they were closed for the festival. I knew I needed to rethink my plan since I would be so low on food. I figured I could cut one day of hiking off between Bailey and Breckenridge if I skipped Segment 3, which was fine with me because I did that segment last year. I decided I would get shuttled to the beginning of Segment 4 instead of back to the fire station where I hitched into town. I would rather lose miles than lose energy. This plan would set me up to get to Breckenridge without worrying too much about my calorie intake, I thought. 

After walking around town I relaxed in the hostel until dinner. I ordered a French Dip sandwich with kale salad from Two Dads Eatery and devoured it. I didn’t mind the price since I was saving money by not resupplying, or at least that’s how I justified it. Either way, I never regretted a single bite of that perfect meal. 

I sat on my phone in bed for a while after eating, scrolling through Instagram reels and my Facebook feed. When I do this I can get sucked into a cycle of scrolling for hours, which makes me feel anxious and sick. I hate getting stuck and I hate wasting time. If I get stuck on my phone I deprive myself of the experience I went out there for. I quickly reminded myself of this and put my phone down. I stood up to find something to do and saw the other hikers sitting outside at the patio table.

I knew I should get out of my shell and talk to them. During last year’s attempt, I let my social anxiety get the best of me and would rarely talk to anyone. This time was different. I felt confident and social, and I knew the relationships I built then would carry me through the rest of the trail. I walked outside where they were sitting and asked if I could join because I “needed social time”. Putting myself out there and inviting myself into social situations was not something I had ever done, but they were so welcoming and kind that I forgot I was even anxious.

We talked about how our hikes were going so far and related to each other’s struggles. We learned about each other and opened up to each other about our lives. We shared details that aren’t normalized in “real life”. Connections were so easy out there. There was no drama, no jealousy, no comparison, no anxiety, no shame. We were all humans on the same mission to do something for ourselves- to find ourselves, to reset, and to feel stronger. I never felt like I had to be anything other than myself. Whoever I was and however I felt was never wrong. I was just me- which was all I ever wanted to be. 

We stayed up late connecting and sharing phone numbers to stay in touch. We laughed for a while when one of our group gave his phone number as a full number reading “Eight million, one hundred and seventy thousand,”. Another man in the group was a reptile breeder, a banker, and an ex-professional skate-boarder. It amazed me how interesting everybody was and how easy it was to get to know them. Life felt so simple. I never wanted the fun conversations to end, but we all needed to go to bed and prepare for the next day back on the trail.