Excited and Anxious to begin

Shortly after my wife died I began thinking about what my life would be like now that I was alone.  57 years together is a long time.  During her last years, she required considerable care, now what do I do?  When I was approaching retirement I was faced with similar questions.  Would we travel?  Was the Peace Corps an option?  What about the Appalachian Trail?  Carol’s health put those thoughts on hold.  Now what?

The death of someone close to you opens the door to reflection.  When my childhood friend died at 49 years I spent much time with regrets of things I should have, could have, would have done.  Now I was faced with reflections again.  My daughters helped me a lot during the last few weeks of life and every chance I had I would walk.  Nothing seemed to help calm my mind and spirit like time spent walking.   There is in fact a type of meditation practiced by the Buddhists called Walking Meditation.  My time walking helped me to clarify what my life might be like looking forward.

Clearly then it seemed that walking would be some part of my path (no pun intended) forward.  Why not do this thing that had been in the back of my mind for so long?   A decision like this ev0lves over time.  I began mentioning the idea to friends and family.  It seemed almost 100% thought it was a good idea.  Each positive feedback took me further toward doing rather than just thinking about doing.

There is so much information about any subject available to us today.  I began researching, reading others’ blogs, gear lists, experiences.  If nothing else it was good for my mental health, to be thinking of the future rather than just reflecting on the past.  I started making lists of gear I would buy, “if”, I were to try the trek.  In time I would buy an occasional item.  In time I began saying when telling someone about my idea, not that I am “thinking” about walking the AT but rather that I was going to walk the trail this next year.  This was an exciting moment to me when I realized I had completely fallen into this wonderful rabbit hole.  I was now on a quest that I had limited control over.  Excited and Anxious.