John Muir Trail Day 21: Desperately Seeking a Mammoth Zero

There was no helping bad sleep or waking up stupid early on Day 21 on the John Muir Trail. In fact, it was inevitable since my husband, Cliff and I were hiking into Mammoth Lakes. We were bursting at the seams with excitement at the thought of our waiting hotel reservation, a hot shower, many full meals, and an actual bed. 

Those good vibes carried us through packing up camp in record time, juggling breakfast as we wrestled our backpacks on and hiked into a glorious morning full of that Sierra Nevada light. Our hike for the day was a grand total of six miles, from Deer Creek Meadows to the Horseshoe Lake parking lot where we would take the free trolly straight into town.

As we stepped onto the trail, I found myself appreciating the mostly flat, fluffy dirt path. It was blessedly void of rocks and my feet were overjoyed at the prospect of not being tenderized until I was hobbling yet again. We moved fast, breathing easy as we talked along the two-mile segment about future thru-hikes and the massive amounts of food we would eat later that day.

At the two-mile mark, we arrived at a sign post indicating our turn off of the official trail and onto Mammoth Pass Cutoff. I hesitated to continue hiking, wondering out loud if we were making a mistake in leaving the JMT. I felt overwhelmingly like taking a Zero Day in Mammoth was a bad idea. We should just keep going. We’re so close, I thought.

I forced myself to take stock in how I was doing physically and mentally. My body hurt. I was profoundly tired. I was now experiencing a fourth round of my reproductive system doing it’s thing within a one month time span and my ovaries and uterus were officially waving their own white flag for a damn break.

We had exactly 65 miles left to go on the JMT and for some reason I was trying to push myself onward. I understood that some hikers might force themselves to crank out those miles, making intense mental and physical duress part of the experience, or have a finite amount of time, in which to get the trail done. We, on the other hand, had plenty of time which allowed us to stick with our primary goal of enjoying this thru-hike. We didn’t have to make this into a torturous suffer fest so why was I defaulting to doing just that?

…and it was truly at this moment that I realized if my mind had shifted into Power Through Mode, that was my cue to do the opposite. I tried to be kind to myself when I realized what I was doing but, instead, said for fuck’s sake a few more times and then really got into it with myself, launching into a tirade that continued with AND ANOTHER THING!

The Mammoth Trail Cutoff took several dips, acting like a really great mountain biking trail before an unexpected incline began. As I braced myself to start the uphill climb, I heard my husband say, from behind me, “I think I made a mistake. I think I chose the wrong fork in the trail. The one we were supposed to take had no climbs. This one is going to be…hilly.”

I slowly blinked at the trail ahead and then at him, honestly wondering how much more physical challenge I could take from my own malfunctioning body and what I was forcing it to do. Okay, listen, I ordered myself, the trail itself is not hard. It’s less than six miles with a substantial break at the end with everything you need to feel better. Just make it to the end of these last few miles.

We trudged on in silence, a pace I set for both of us because it was all I could manage when my sweet husband gently said, “You know… if you want to temporarily quit the JMT, Mammoth is a great jumping-off point. We could take the bus up to Yosemite, do smaller hikes around the valley and grab the stuff we mailed ourselves at the post office. We could do the rest of the JMT next summer.”

I didn’t immediately respond because I wanted to form the best possible answer as to why I so badly wanted and needed to keep going and complete this hike. 

A few moments later I told him, “I’m doing this hike for myself. I need to do this for myself. I know I can do this, it’s just going to involve more suffering than I originally thought I would have to endure…but I will endure it because I need to meet the version of myself that is waiting for me at the end of all of this. I need that version of me to be fully equipped to step into bigger things down the road. She will get me there. The version of me that gave up on completing the John Muir Trail? She cannot take me to those places of bigger dreams. It is only this version of me who saw what was possible and said, ‘Why not me?’ and then went forth and did it. I need to become her.”

I stopped on the trail trying not to cry and told my hiking partner and husband, “I appreciate the support and the no-judgement offer, but I have to do this. Will you finish this with me?”

As for how much more I could take, the answer, I found, was and will always be so much more than I thought. And that is the true magic of the trail – to get to know yourself and to exterminate those pesky limiting beliefs that bar you from the best version of yourself.

When we finally made it to the parking lot and the trolly stop, I recognized this break for what it actually was: our last chance to prepare ourselves for the last 65 miles of the JMT. This is it. Use it wisely and set yourself up for success, I counseled myself. The end is near…

You just have to get yourself there.

Stats for the Hiker Nerds (Like You and I)

Day 21- September 6, 2024 

Deer Creek Meadow to Mammoth Lakes 

Mountain Pass/Summit: N/A

Elevation Gain: 729’

Elevation Loss: 863’

Mileage: 6

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Comments 2

  • Diego Acuna : Jan 5th

    OMG that stretch is SO BEATIFUL I love it! Mammoth Lakes it’s a really beatiful place! Go ahead you can do it 💪🏾

    Reply
    • Bernadette Rankin : Jan 6th

      It was SO unbelievably GORGEOUS!!Thanks for reading my stories and commenting!

      Reply

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