odd trails…here and there

What am I doing writing on AT?  I’m not a thru-hiker!  All I’ve ever done is have a bunch of one night stands with 14,000ft peaks!  I’m a hiking ho!  If I had a hiking resume it would look something like Charlie and Mac’s Mail Room resume.  It would read, “It was a very educational summer and I hiked many trails…here and there.  I sort of had a grasp on what I was doing on a day-to-day basis.” I’m a hooligan who weaseled my way into this.  Who is going to read this trash?  I don’t know…I don’t care!  I’m doing it until I make someone uncomfortable, until I get uninvited to write here, until I make a total and complete fool of myself.  How is that for setting attainable goals!?  I think I am right on track!  I hope I can be a little less serious in the process, I hope I can make someone laugh.

This summer, after climbing Princeton, I stopped into a bar and ordered my usual single bear…check that…single beer!  When I have bears I have them in threes, just like Goldilocks (but that’s another story I’ll have to tell you later).  If I have three beers, however, lookout!  Cause shit’s about to get cray-Z, or I am really sad, one of the two.  Anyway, I stopped into this bar in Buena Vista and ordered a Blue Moon with an orange slice.  I’ve never been a big drinker or bar hopper, I never went to any parties in high school and I didn’t drink in college.  What a SQUARE!  I know, even my mom tells me to go get plastered sometimes; she says I take things too seriously.  So, in an attempt to honor my mom’s wishes I swigged down the entire beer in no time flat.  I hadn’t eaten anything all day, I felt too sick while I was hiking, so that one beer–or two or three (I don’t recall)…got me buzzed!  I met this guy there, who was very nice.  He was inquisitive and wanted to have a genuine conversation, he invited me on a free rafting trip, but after I had that beer (or those several beers, who knows) all bets were off.  Seriously, I know it’s ridiculous but it’s the truth.  And it didn’t help that there was some tall skinny guy rummaging through the lost and found looking for a sweater to wear.  The sweater he picked was definitely from the junior’s section of some women’s department store.  He walked over to me and asked my opinion of his sweater…suddenly, I was possessed by Blue Moon….I was a belligerent werewolf!  I’m too embarrassed to admit the things I said to him, but to give you an idea of how bad it was; the guy who invited me on a rafting trip uninvited me the next day via text message.  But look, this drunk-tiny-sweater wearing man was so absurd that I just couldn’t help myself.  His belly pubes were hanging out and he talked about how the location of zippers and belts determined if clothing was masculine or feminine.  He had a lot of things to say, all of which sounded hilarious to me at the time…and I had A LOT to say to him about what determined if things were masculine or feminine.  At the end of the night he looked at my sweater and asked me if it was made of felt, I said “no” with a confused look on my face.  He proceeded to ‘feel’ my sweater and he said, “It is now!”  Then he disappeared into the night: skinny legs, tiny sweater, belly pubes and all…just vanished laughingly into the darkness!  What an exit!

Some writers are honest and bare it all…some writers are more reserved…but I’m no writer…I am Alix…Alix Hinnegan and I still have to be able to get a job when I finally get fired from the one I have right now…so certain things will just have to be left up to your imagination.  I don’t know if I can always tell the full truth, but for me it’s an accomplishment to have said things that I can’t disclose.  Normally I go about my quiet way and make no impression at all and I leave a party or gathering with only memories of other people’s good times.

The truth, you want the truth!?  The truth is: I wish I had more stories like this one.  I wish I had more drunken nights.  I wish I laughed more.  I wish I made more people uncomfortable.  I want to be formally uninvited to things on a regular basis.  I climbed a lot of mountains this summer and I feel really good about my “journey” but I was alone a lot.  And when I wasn’t alone I was holding back.  I can count on one hand, the number of people that I have been my true self in front of.  Sometimes I am even too afraid to be myself in front of myself!  REALLY!  I wish that when creepy old men hit on me, I had the guts to tell them to ‘fxck off’ (in a sweet east coast accent), I want to laugh out loud and fall on the floor when I think things are funny (not just politely smile or quietly chuckle), I want to have true friendships (not just surface level ‘hi how are you?’ friendships).  I want to see the world, hike bazillions of miles, and act like a fooooooool the entire way!

And a glimpse of my foolish world through my foolish eyes:


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