One Star Reviews of the Appalachian Trail
Recently, when I was sitting in Carter Notch Hut in – well, Carter Notch – I noticed a sign bearing the ubiquitous logos of trip advisor and yelp, and I realized that people actually must ‘yelp’ about these iconic landmarks in the White Mountains. I started to wonder what else people yelp about – what other natural, uncontrollable environments do tourists rate as though they were a restaurant or a hotel?
I saw the one-star National Park reviews online and loved it, so I thought: why not a one-star trip review for the Appalachian Trail? This way, hikers can be warned ahead of time about the true peril of the AT: poor service.
All spelling and grammatical errors have been retained to set the tone of the review, and there might be a few 2 and 3 star reviews mixed in here that I couldn’t bring myself to pass up. I would like to thank yelpers everywhere for writing this article for me. I would also like to thank the internet for the following pictures, because when I try to photograph a beautiful view my depth perception fails and my hands turn into flippers, leaving me to flop against my touch screen like a manic seal.
Without further ado, here are the one star reviews of the Appalachian Trail:
Amicalola Falls State Park – Don’t expect the beginning of your thru-hike to be anything special.
Great Smoky Mountains National Park – ‘Not the Rockies’ by someone very confused about America’s geography:
Great Smoky Mountains National Park – ‘not fulfilling the promis’ by an anonymous caveman with internet access:
Clingmans Dome – On the subject of the steep, 0.5-mile paved trail from the parking lot:
Max Patch – bring your livestock here!
Roan Mountain – Don’t waste all that energy driving up there when you could go to the Rockies right next door.
Grayson Highlands State Park – That’s strange… where is this coming from??
Shenandoah National Park, from Skyline Drive – on the National Park which has move paved road than trail:
Bear Mountain State Park – Apparently written by someone right after encountering thru-hikers:
Bear Mountain, NY (elevation: 1,283 feet) – Experienced Mountaineer Gets Lost in Wilderness
Delaware Water Gap National Recreation Area – Seriously though…
Mount Greylock – From the mouth of a Nutmegger:
Lake of the Clouds Hut, Mt. Washington – I think this also might have been inspired by thru-hikers:
The Mount Washington Cog Railroad – Just a bunch of ugly mountains.
Mount Washington – Regarding the fine dining found at the Cafeteria on the summit:
I hope you’ve enjoyed this edition of the Appalachian Trail’s one-star reviews! Don’t forget to put in your own two cents the next time you find your shelter doesn’t have wifi, or your hostel owner forgot to leave you a mint. We can change the service of the AT, one review at a time!
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lol! I guess the AT isn’t for everybody.
Haha, good stuff!
If it wasn’t just so incredibly funny it would be sad reflection of some people. Thanks for a great laugh!
Awesome laughs! 🙂
That was one of the funniest things I’ve read about the AT!
Thanks Chuckles. Very apt! Surprised no one commented on the Mt. Rodgers Visitor’s Center Pizza delivery service to Partnership Shelter.