In the midst of warm wishes of Happy Holidays and Happy New Year, I found myself diving deeper under my covers, unwilling to face each day.
The first part of December, I was able to be in my acting studio for 3 weeks. I’m not currently located near one of my studios, so I don’t get the on-going benefit of being in that ‘everybody’s-being-truthful-and-vulnerable’ space. I always come out of that room more open and vulnerable and changed. But then I go back to the ‘real’ world, where the norm is to suppress our true selves. Since my ego prefers this state, it overcompensates for my new openness and has me hiding under my blankets. Why? Because my ego doesn’t like change. My ego fights it with all its strength.
I’ve told myself that I don’t have a problem with change. I move around a lot, I’m adaptable to new environments and situations, and I do so many different activities. But, this is not the change I’m scared of. It’s the real change that happens inside, the change that challenges my ego and makes it think it’s going to die. That kind of change usually has me running for the hills.
When I’m in the studio, I can fight change all I want, but the air is so thick with truth and openness, that it’s impossible not to change, at least a little bit. It also lets my ego know what’s coming. So, when I got home and the holiday season hit with 2017 on the horizon, my ego knew. It just knew what 2017 was going to bring.
2017 is the year of the PCT. Change is coming.
Thankfully, I’m learning how to recognize what my ego is up to, and while I may be defenceless one moment, I know in the next moment, I will be stronger. I will have changed, and I will be able to take on whatever comes next. That is the beauty of life: change happens and we can handle it.
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