Hello Crippling Anxiety

Hey everyone and welcome to my first blog… that I’ve been putting off writing for about 4 weeks or so now because well… anxiety. So, if you end up reading this blog in its entirety, I thank you.


Allow me to quickly introduce myself. My name is Alyssa!

As a child I was described as someone who has boatloads of energy.  To give an outlet to that boundless energy, I would play tons of different sports, go camping, hula hooping, tree climbing, dancing, biking, or just running around until I collapse for a “recharging” nap to do it again when I wake up. I loved adventures and fun. Now, as an adult I channel that energy into hiking, backpacking, paddle boarding, camping, you name it. I am ready for any outdoor adventure at a moments notice. When I’m not outside I’m playing Mario Party beating whoever I can OR playing with my puppy Storm. But, enough about me let’s get into it.

T-Minus 6 days and counting!!!

This time next week I’ll be on the Pacific Crest Trail starting my journey of 2,650 miles.

Holy heck cue panicking. I constantly feel a lump in my throat that no matter what I can’t seem to swallow it away. Don’t get me wrong I am ecstatic that I’m about to embark on this adventure, but the turmoil in my stomach is making me feel sick at the same time. At this point in the game, I’m just waiting for my start date to come and I’m antsy and ready to go right this second. Just rip the band aid off ya know?

Procrastinating gets me every time without fail

I’ve been putting off writing and posting my first blog because of many reasons and fears/worries.

I’m not the greatest writer.

I know my grammar won’t be the best and I’ll make lots of mistakes.

I am also struggling with what to write. What will people want to read? What if people glance at a blog I post and say, “that’s stupid why would she write about that?”  Will people be interested in my “why”? Am I ready to be raw and unapologetically write my feelings and thoughts before during and after the trail for thousands of people to read and judge me for those thoughts I have? Honestly, I am not sure if I’m ready for that, but we are out here trying so don’t grab the pitchforks yet ok?

Secret time?

Ready to hear a secret? I’m literally having a panic attack as I write this. Can anyone else relate to these feelings because I would LOVE to know I’m not alone. I’m going to end this here and keep my first blog short and sweet!

Should I post my “Why” I’m hiking the PCT next? Probably a logical next blog, I think so at least!

Please keep an eye out for my future posts and Happy Hiking friends!


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Comments 10

  • Madi : Mar 19th

    I totally feel this! The closer my date get sun feeling all the feels, you got this though! You’re a badass, can’t wait to read more about your journey

  • C : Mar 20th

    Alyssa, great job on your writing! Anxiety is often worrying about if you are good enough, strong enough, will you be accepted. You are and will be. But to help yourself make this about you and the journey not the outcome. Write what you want and feel, don’t try and please us. Your trip is not about the northern terminus, it’s about your journey towards the terminus. The final outcome is not as important as the journey for yourself. In so doing, the outcome will come naturally and more easily.

    You do you and don’t worry about anything else! When anxiety creeps in, just tell yourself it’s my journey, in my way, the outcome is joy not just a coordinate or someone else’s expectation. As a wrestler you know how to operate in the moment, focused on the challenge not the crowd. Looking forward to seeing how you do you!

  • K : Mar 20th

    I think every single person doing a thru-hike (or a section hike or some other hike) is simply AWESOME. I’m enjoying reading all of the posts, and I love the different styles and perspectives of the writers. Take your worries about whether folks will like what you write off the table and enjoy your time out on the trail!

  • Paul : Mar 20th

    Kick that imposter syndrome to the curb…you got this

  • jhony : Mar 20th

    Well guess what? You write well. So well I am subscribing here and on IG Maybe just keep up the stream of consciousness and go from there.
    You certainly started out well.

  • Clayton Dyck : Mar 20th

    Even after wrestling for 21 years, and the age of 40 at my last international tournament, I still got nervous. Nervousness means , its something you care about. You got this

  • Leonie Lazarus : Mar 21st

    Looking forward to hearing all about your journey. Best of luck

  • Alyssa : Mar 22nd

    Hi Alyssa! I relate with every word of your post on such a deep level! Not only do we have the same name but I am also from BC and am starting the PCT on May 3rd! Thank you for sharing how you are feeling because oh my god I am feeling the exact same way! Happy trails! Us BC kids got this!

  • Carol : Apr 2nd

    you know those people who make an obvious readable typo when texting and then re-text the correction? Don’t be that person… just type what you think/feel as it’ll be tough enough getting in to the PCT flow. We’ll be happy to follow whatever you provide. Enjoy!


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