The moment I stopped body shaming myself
Hi, I’m Sabrina and I sometimes feel super annoyed by my imperfect body.
Maybe you can relate. I’ve never been under any delusions of perfection, maybe just enough denial to be surprised when I see pictures (good grief, do I really look that bad in beige?), and question the quality of iphone cameras (they seem to add chins). Clothes makers are just warping sizes nowadays – I used to wear a 6 but now they’re calling it an 8 – sometimes even a 10, depending on the time of year, especially after the holidays. Someone should do something.
At times I catch myself looking in the mirrors I pass by, judging myself harshly.
Through the years my legs have really felt the scorn. That’s the first place I store fat. In fact, apparently I’ve developed the useless superpower of siphoning carbs from nearby sources without actually eating them. They just somehow enter my system and morph into adipose tissue on my rear end. God help me if I actually eat them the old fashioned way. My eyes scan the imperfections and my thoughts unfold like the computerized terminator screen, must fix, must fix, must fix.
Just being real, but the thought occurred to me often on trail:
All these hills are going to help me lose inches, lose fat on my poor little objectified legs. And it did of course. We hiked an average of 10 hours a day. No way was I replacing that many calories. Sometimes, on the way up a particularly tough route, I would reach back and pat my trouble areas, happy they were firming up. There you go. Nice little glutes. Keep getting smaller now, good job.
One morning in my quiet time, I realized something extremely basic.
These legs of mine, which I so freely criticize in my thought life, brought me over one hundred miles of difficult terrain. My glutes, my quads, my hamstrings, my calves, my shins all functioned perfectly and took me through a feat I wasn’t 100% sure I could handle. Suddenly I felt very ashamed that I’d been so harsh and superficial. I was proud of my body – literally proud. And so grateful to be so strong and healthy. It was just the paradigm shift I needed.
I’m issuing a challenge to you tough minded people in the hiking world.
If you struggle like I did, judging your body for not being ideal, can you just stop? I’ve seen you guys out there on the switchbacks. Y’all tough. And cute. Just the way you are.
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