The False Start Mindset: Resilience in the Face of Injury

Trigger Warning: Pictures of my Feet

Starting on the Pacific Crest Trail

Sean and I started our thru-hike on Tuesday May 14th, excited after a wonderful evening at Scout and Frodo’s home in San Diego. Upon hearing of their retirement after hosting hikers since 2006, I felt blessed to have that unique PCT community experience. We shuttled with Dee from the PCT southern terminus shuttle to Campo, took our photos and hit the trail. Little did I know, how this would be the first false start of several.

Photo of Sean and I at the Southern Terminus, Campo.

Passing through Lake Morena, and Mount Laguna felt great, aside from the developing pain in my feet. 

Sean overlooking the trail on Day 2

I treated my feet with care. Blisters get lanced with a sterile needle and thread. I used antibiotic Bacetracin if the wound was open. Moleskin surrounded the blisters and Leukotape strapped everything together. ENGO blister patches attached to the supafeet insoles, inside my ‘Altra Lone Peak 8’s’ to reduce friction. We continued towards Julian, our first trail town.

Overlooking the Desert as we Descended from Mount Laguna

On our forth night, Sean and I did our first cowboy camp alongside other hikers: Newfound, Melissa, and Paul. It was great to hang out with everyone, and it felt nice to be around people at the tent site. In fact, comments on this site in the Farout map mentioned a woman terrorized by the sounds of a mountain lion during her restless stay, only several days earlier. 

Sean tucked into his Quilt on our first night Cowboy Camping.

False Start Number One

As we woke up, I realized my feet were not in a good space. The blisters had continued to grow between the balls of my feet and my toes. They were now the diameter of a thick salami, and had the coloring to match around the edges. I limped with tears for two miles, concern in my husband’s eyes. We reached a small scramble to a road crossing, and I bid Sean farewell as he hiked towards town, whilst I waited for a hitch.

I Hitched from Sunrise Highway to Julian, Feeling My First False Start on Trail

When the few cars that did pass were not willing to stop for my bushy beard and fake smile through the pain of standing on my feet, I knew I had to get to a busier section of road. I hobbled another 1.3 miles to a parking lot on the same road to try my luck. A forest ranger from Ramona acted as my savior, when he gave me a ride whilst headed to Julian for a Reggae festival at the brewery. I got to town and went to do the one thing I knew would help – I got lunch at ‘Kali’s Garden Café’.

Jackfruit Asada Fries from Kali’s Garden, Julian

I missed 16 miles of trail to Scissor’s crossing in order to protect my feet.

The Developing Blister on My Left Foot

Mental Resilience in the Face of Injury

I felt that my foot troubles were due to my shoes – the popular ‘Altra Lone Peak 8’s’. Even with almost two years of exclusive daily wear, and practice hikes. It’s hard to know what works for a thru-hike when you don’t have the time to hike for several days. Except I had done a five day section hike on the Appalachian Trail in the fall to prepare. Sean arrived to town later, and we settled in at the Veterans of Foreign Wars center, who kindly host hikers for no fee. You can however eat at their restaurant, and have a drink at the bar. (I recommend the Tater Tots!)

Sean, ‘Macgyver’, and I at the VFW, Julian

When you feel low due to injury, I’ve found that spending time around other hikers is essential to raise your spirits. I hung out with several hikers in the day, who also had experienced their share of injuries. ‘Red Berry’ and ‘Aspen’ were two hikers who had been resting for a few days, and it reminded me that injury is normal, and resting is important to move forward. Sean and I took the chance to meet lots of hikers, including ‘Macgyver’ who has the best trail name. Within the space of one afternoon, ‘Macgyver’ had provided a spare bottle cap for ‘Melissa’ who cracked hers after hugging me, taught ‘Will’ how to sew up his food bag with needle and dental floss, and set down a picnic table with ‘Skylar’ after everyone else struggled to do it. 

Sean Enjoying his Free Pie and Coffee From Mama’s Pie House, Julian

Sean and I took a double zero, so I had 72 hours of rest that allowed time for my feet to heal, new shoes to arrive, and to sample the delights of town. The free pie slice and drinks from ‘Mom’s Pie House’ went down very well, and they even had a vegan cobbler for me!

Physical Recovery

With my new shoes – ‘Merrell Moab 3’s, size 14 wide, Sean and I took a short afternoon to hike seven miles through the dessert. My feet were warm from the heat, but the winds increased, providing much relief to us both. We met ‘Julian’ who had just returned to trail after a two week break due to an ankle strain. He provided more reassurance that it’s ok to rest and recover so your journey can continue. We camped in the same space, on one of our windiest nights so far.

Camping in the Desert, on a Windy Night

I knew physical recovery and care was essential to keep going forward. I began to air my feet out regularly, and to moisturize them with Udder Balm to help reduce sheer and friction. It was slow going, and I had to work hard to stop comparing my progress to those around me. For example, Sean and I took a shuttle with ‘Professor’ from Julian and picked up ‘Willy Wonka’ who was doing a casual 40 mile day, because he wanted a burger, instead of his planned 50 miles. He was training for an FKT attempt, and I couldn’t compute how he could do that, yet I struggled with the first 50 miles over five days. 

The Desert is Surprisingly Green, but Hotter than I Imagined

False Start Number Two

The second day back on trail was a modest 12.7 mile hike. Sean was kind to collect water from the cache on a side trail, whilst my feet cooled in the hot desert breeze. We napped under the tent, rigged up as a sun break, and rationed our water well. My feet continued to bother me in the same spots, in addition to several new heel blisters. It turns our that a 14 wide shoe was not big enough for my hooves!

Hiding From the Midday Heat

I was so sore, that the last few miles of the day, including passing a ‘small cave’ which Sean would not allow us to camp in, was best done in Crocs. I have never hiked in Crocs until then, but they did ok for the two or so miles down to a dry stream bed. The next morning, I once again limped around three miles to the road, and hitched to Warner Springs. My driver was a hiker, and was very reassuring that it happens, and the importance of rest. Trail magic comes in more than one form, though another source of Magic was the Warner Springs Community Center. 

Hanging Out with Hikers at Warner Springs Community Center

At the center, hikers can buy cold snacks, beverages, shower, charge electronics and hang out in shaded areas thanks to the community. There is no charge for most of these services, but we made sure to make donations to help maintain this space and thank the volunteers who looked after us. Around 20 hikers joined the hangout, and many ordered Burrito’s for breakfast. It felt great to be around people, but I knew I needed to take time to rest. The next morning, Sean hiked out, whilst I waited for my shuttle to Idyllwild.

I missed around 78 miles of the trail to rest my feet.

Physical Recovery Part 2 – the More Rest the Better

My first night in Idyllwild was spent alone in a bunk house. I needed a space to feel my feelings, cry, and stay cool from the afternoon heat. Wallowing in self pity is cathartic, but I knew I couldn’t allow this to continue. The next morning I got my space at the PCT hiker area in the Idyllwild state forest campground. This spot is $5 per night, with showers in the campground, potable water, and all the hikers you could need. I cowboy camped here as Sean needed the tent more as he began his ambitious hiking to join me in Idyllwild. 

Cowboy Camping In Idyllwild State Campground

For this recovery period my focus was staying off my feet, regular Epsom Salt foot soaks, and keeping my spirits up. Aside from all the wonderful hikers who I spent time with, I also ate a lot of amazing food. As I spoke with Sean in the evenings I kept mentioning ‘Mama’s Egg House’ and he kept teasing that I was obsessed. (Forewarning that he too loved it when he arrived to town.)

Breakfast at Mama’s Egg House, Idyllwild

A Different Perspective to Hiking

Never in my hiking years, have I spent so long in one space. To continue to bump into hikers I had met since the first day, meeting so many more people with their own successes and challenges was brilliant. The chance to slow down and connect with an aspect of thru-hiking that I really enjoy – the people, was wonderful. I had dinner with ‘Newfound’, wondered around town with ‘Macgyver’, met ‘Chica and Sunsets’, and once Sean arrived, hung out with ‘Robin Hood’, and a ‘tramily’ of five awesome people. 

Meeting Mayor Max III

When my emotional energy was at a low, hikers can bring joy, perspective, and a healthy dose of reality that stumbling out of the gate isn’t uncommon. The sharing of experiences, similar and different, brings a variety that helps you to realize that each person’s hike is their own. I cannot compare myself to others, and my foot challenges are ok as long as I keep working at it. When it came time to leave town, after meeting Mayor Max III, I was equipped with ‘Altra Lone Peak 6’s’ from the outfitter. I decided that maybe I had been too hasty to throw out my first pair of shoes and that perhaps time to adapt to the desert was what I needed. 

Cruising the Trail – How Showstopper Got His Groove Back

Sean and I hitched to the Devil’s slide, ready to climb back out of Idyllwild and hike on Mount San Jacinto. We met with ‘Crush’, ‘Dani’, ‘Camille’, and ‘Aaron’, who we’d hung out with in town and began hiking the lengthy side trail back to the PCT.

Heading Back on Trail after Resting for Five Days

We spent the day hopping back and forth with everyone, taking breaks together, and discussing the plot of ‘Jumanji’ and ‘Robin Williams’. I really enjoy random hiker conversations, especially sat at 9,000 feet, taking a break from the Sun.  Sean and I hiked on as I felt my eyes were feeling ‘off’ at a higher altitude and they improved as we descended. We took a break at the North Fork of the San Jacinto River. I soaked my feet in the icy cold waters, and we filled our stomachs, and water bladders with water for the dry camp that night.

North Fork of the San Jacinto River

I wanted to not overdo milage, so the next day we planned a shorter day, with a dry campsite for the evening. Fuller Ridge and the descent to the Interstate had other plans. The heat continued to ramp up, and the few water sources were slow flowing.

Before the Heat Kicked In, Descending Fuller Ridge

We continued to leapfrog with others, struggling to stay out of the heat. We realized we wanted to be by water, so hiked the last few miles to a desert water faucet. Drenching myself in the lukewarm water was the sweetest relief from the heat. We hung out as many hikers passed through to quench their thirst, and cool down. Everyone else hiked on, but Sean and I had another plan. We woke the next morning, hiking four miles to the Interstate. An Uber swiftly collected us, and drove us straight to Palm Springs for a day in the pool and hot tub. We resupplied, and gorged on all the food we could eat. 

Sean Making Use of the Desert Water Source

False Start Number Three

Everything appeared to be on the upswing with regards to my blisters. The shoes seemed to hold up and my feet felt mostly comfortable. Unfortunately, these thoughts didn’t take into account ‘Mission Creek’. This section of trail was heavily damaged during Tropical Storm Hilary in 2023. Much of the trail was washed away, so hikers make the long, slow ascent along the creek itself. The terrain of the creek varies between sand that sucks the energy from your step, large boulders, and smaller stones. These all make it hard to get a rhythm and bludgeon your feet as you go. 

The Hike Up Mission Creek Was Rough on the Feet

I was emotional as it was a hard couple of days ascending the creek, but once we reached the trail everything changed. We walked through a beautiful flower meadow, before reaching our last water source for the next 9.5 miles. 

Flower Meadows as We Finished Mission Creek

I truly feel that the trail that proceeded Mission Creek was the best I had experienced so far. I cruised along the rolling trail, enjoying shady spots, with a gentle breeze. My body rippled with the strength that had developed over the last few weeks. We pushed on to camp with ‘Laura’, ‘Inspector Gadget’, and ‘Meerkat’, putting us closer to the town of Big Bear. The next morning, I could feel that my major blister on my right foot had evolved. The original space was still healing, but new pain had developed further to the right. I knew I had to push on to get to town. 

A Beautiful Stretch Of Trail, But Feet Becoming More Sore

I was in pain, but pushed myself along the 15 miles of easy terrain. There was a feeling inside, that taking a break would make me unable to reach the highway. I made it to the road before 1:00pm, though the last few miles were rough. Maybe the ‘Altras’ really aren’t for me, or maybe Mission Creek was just too rough for my delicate feet. 

Physical Recovery Part 3 – Educate Yourself, Before You Wreck Yourself

By now, I’m an expert at getting off trail, understanding that my body needs time to heal. I know the nerve pain comes from cells rebuilding my body. I didn’t however understand what was happening to my feet as I hiked. 

Renewed Blistering and Bruising on My Right Foot

After milling over the idea for some time, I reached out to ‘Blaze Physio’ to see if she had any insight on what was happening. She connected me to ‘Jesse’, a Pedorthist who she works with to help hikers facing physical hardship. Jesse had me show him my feet over video in a range of positions and motions. I imagine this is the kind of attention people get if they sell feet pictures, though it’s only fair that I paid Jesse to look at all the blisters and ingrained dirt.

He was easily able to identify that ‘EVA’ foam, used in many trail runners, is not supportive enough for my frame. I needed better distribution of pressure for each step. He talked me through the need for a Heel Counter, a Toe Rocker. Jesse also recommended an insole to help distribute pressure away from high lateral arches, and the balls of my feet. My only regret is that I didn’t reach out sooner. I’ve spent years trying to understand my feet, full of inaction due to not knowing how to approach the challenges I face. 

Sean Living His Best Life with a Malai Kofta and Garlic Naan

Sean and I enjoyed time together in Big Bear, including a delicious curry. He hiked out the next morning on his way to Wrightwood. I have missed this 97 mile section of trail so I can rest again. This no longer upsets me, as I recognize the desert is only getting hotter. I am full of resolve to keep trying to hike to Canada, armed with new ideas, and the knowledge that I can work with Jesse anytime I’m struggling with my feet. I will return to hike the missed sections at the end of the season, or save them for a stroll down memory lane in an upcoming year. 

Looking to the Future, Goodbye to the False Start

I do not know what the next several weeks will bring on our journey along the PCT. Sean continues to go from strength to strength in hiking. I continue to learn more about myself than I could possibly have done without the adversity. The Wrightwood Public Library is where I write this post. I am breaking in my ‘La Sportiva Ultra Raptor II’ in a size 15 wide, with ‘SOLE’ insoles designed to give me the support my feet deserve. 

And if all else fails, I can always find a horse to ride the rest of the way to Canada!

I Have to Take it Easy, Like this Lizard!