Spill Your Guts and Name Your Fears

So this is the time in the year when we get to admit we are nervous? Thank. God.

I am up here in Alaska losing my mind! I find myself crunching the numbers, counting out 5.5 months from all different kinds of start dates, combing through gear lists some days the AT is all I can think about and some days I can’t even think about it at all.

So I am going to break down my fears by category so I can face each one. It’s all gonna fine guys, deep breaths.

MONEY

It’s no secret that a thru-hike ain’t cheap. I am saving just as much as I can and saying yes to every opportunity for hours I get.  I want to be sure I have enough to hike comfortably, eat plenty of burgers in town and with all luck be able to build a life when the hike is over. I’m gonna need a lot.

 

WHERE WILL I LIVE?

For the last 6 months, I have been in my parent’s basement in Fairbanks, Alaska. Neither the town nor the digs are things I want in my post-trail life. I spent a year in Korea, now I’m in the basement, next is the trail. I am not exactly sure where home is but I would like to find out.   So on top of figuring out all trail logistics, I am trying to figure out where  (as in state or country) I will live. Attending school in the fall may be on the docket as well, which is its own layer of stress. It is so hard to predict the future and I don’t know what I will want then but I will feel much better taking off into the great unknown with just a shadow of a plan. Otherwise, I think I will wind up right back in the basement.

 

WHAT WILL MY JOB BE?

A lot of people take on big sojourns to figure out their plan. I have done this in the past and what I have realized, for me anyways, is that these adventures bring my light and life but no career epiphanies. Career epiphanies take research, self-inventory, and experiences. I am taking responsibility for this part and not trusting it to the trail, not the trail’s job. So I have to trust that basic things about my personality won’t change; like how I like working with kids and don’t like working with numbers. I am going to use these guidelines to help narrow down the job choices, and again have a shadow of a plan.

 

WHEN IS MY START DATE?

I originally said early March, then mid-March, then mid-April then late-April now I am not sure. It could be any of those days I keep going back and forth, weather, logistics, will I be attending school in the fall these are all factors. I also keep thinking how you can make life long friends that feel like family on the trail my start date will affect the people I meet, will I find my friends? Will I pick the wrong date? Will I wind up hiking the entire thing alone because of when I start? Uhg, too much.

 

AM I EVEN GOING TO LIKE IT?

Well, yes. I mean, if not I can always stop. But I reallllly think I will.

 

So all this aside, I have started to feel more excited than ever! My mind is drifting off more and more, I have been hitting the Stairmaster. The money is starting to add up and  I really just can’t wait to begin this adventure and see how it all shakes out. I believe in myself, I believe in adventure, I believe the cause I am raising money for and I trust my journey. OH! And if you have been following along, I FOUND MY SOCKS!!

So with that, here we go, ONWARDS!

If you want to follow along with my jounrey my instragram account is @leahtakesthetrail

If you want to donate to help empower women with physical disabilities through outdoor activity, (even $1!!!) the link is HERE!