What makes you want to do this hike??

When people find out that I am thru hiking the Pacific Crest Trail they invariably ask if I’m bringing a gun, how I’m going to carry so much food, and if I’m really sleeping outside the whole time. After answering those questions the conversation always gravitates to what makes me want to do such a hike.
I really thought about that this week as I enter the final preparations for this long walk.

There is a lot of minutiae you can get wrapped up in and sucked in to getting ready for something like this. Just like in life the details can take over.  Of course it’s important to prepare but I tend to overthink things to the point that my joy is overshadowed by stressing about details. As I sat on my floor going through my gear yet again I caught myself counting  neosporin packets and worrying if 4 was enough, then darting to how many wipes I put in box 5, then wondering if I should take one more lighter just in case….and so it went until I stopped and just sat back and laughed.
That’s when I really thought about why I’m doing this hike. I’m doing it to absorb myself in the only world that has ever made sense to me.  To reaffirm how much I belong to the mountains, the night sky, the harsh wind and rain, to all of it.  Mother Nature’s awesome power brings ALL my senses to full attention and my personal awareness crisply into focus. The feeling I get after dealing with wet clothes from a storm or blistered and sore feet is so satisfying compared to how I feel after dealing with sitting in traffic or a power outage. All of it is inconvenient and uncomfortable, but the later ads nothing to my constitution, while the former charges my life force. She’s been calling to me for so long, but my line has been busy with all that minutiae. I finally answered that very important call, and  I’m intently listening to her. I will never stop listening because I recognize that call has come from the party line I share with my earth mother. I will never hang up on her or myself again. Rich blood is flowing again in that umbilical cord between me and my true essence, and that is a power that comes with great responsibility to my happiness and wholeness. I hike therefore I am.