Why I am Hiking the AZT

Packing a “Why”

Of all the things in my pack, the most important thing I am bringing on my thru-hike of the AZT is a reason why.

It’s the foundation for the whole experience, framing every interaction and every emotion for the entirety of the journey. It is the rock that one returns to when one allows one’s emotions to run wild and fears to overwhelm them. It is the ultimate tool of personal accountability. If the journey is not satisfying your “why,” then it is time to alter your mindset or part ways with the trail as friends rather than grit it out and sour your memory of the experience.

My “Why”

My reasons for wanting to hike the AZT are as complex and varied as the environment this trail winds through on its way from Mexico to Utah, but they can be simplified into three points: self-realization, closure, and a mental reset.

Self-Realization

My career has provided me with plenty of opportunities to accomplish truly difficult things – both mentally and physically. However, as I look back at the last 11 years, I can’t help but notice that the memories are not accompanied by a sense of accomplishment. Rather, it felt like my achievements were out of pure necessity or chance – essentially dictated to me by circumstance rather than being truly of me.

As I set a goal of completing a thru-hike in the transition year of my career, I seek to have an experience that was undoubtedly and entirely mine. My thru-hike of the AZT will allow me to be the sole driving force behind a great accomplishment that has absolutely nothing to do with my professional commitments or aspirations. The elation and the suffering shall be mine and mine alone, allowing me to take full ownership of the experience and achieve true self-realization.

Closure

I was raised for the vast majority of my childhood in Arizona and I have many fond memories of exploring all of the state’s natural beauty with my family throughout the years I lived there. When I left Arizona to start my career over 11 years ago, my intent was to return at the earliest opportunity and pick up the life I left behind – friends, college, family, etc. Ultimately, life had other plans and I have accepted the fact that Arizona is no longer my home, and I doubt that I will ever wish to live there again.

Hiking the AZT is my opportunity to get closure with the great state of Arizona. I still visit family there and hike Rim to Rim in a day at the Grand Canyon every year with an old friend from college, but my time of considering myself an Arizonan is over and my depth of experience with the state demands a deliberate act of closure. What could be more meaningful or intimate than an 800-mile, 2-month trek across the entire state, along many of the same trail sections that I hike with my family as a child?

Mental Reset

The single greatest thing I ever did for my mental health was put on a backpack and walk 160 miles. My trek on the Collegiate Loop in Colorado last year came at a difficult time in my life as I struggled with trauma, a complete lack of work/life balance, and dissatisfaction at my job. The opportunity to completely unplug from the goings-on at work (difficult when you work a 24 hour on-call job) and focus on the clamoring thoughts inside my head for 9 days with no distractions was extremely restorative and I returned from that trip with a newfound appreciation for all that I had in my life (and a renewed focus on setting boundaries at work).

As I transition from my 11-year career, I struggle to define what I want my priorities to be in the next chapter of my life. Financial stability? Work/life balance? Added responsibilities? Less responsibilities? Hiking the AZT for 2 months will give me ample opportunity to sift through the absolute mess in my head and tune into what would make me truly happy as I look at making a major change in my life. It will also allow me to entirely and utterly disconnect from work, allowing me to make a clean break with the “perpetual crisis” culture of my current workplace and establish effective boundaries/balance in my next career.

See ya’ll on trail!