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Long Trail: Accepting When A Thru-Hike Is Ended
The time arrived to make a decision I didn’t think I’d need to make. Do I push through this knee injury and stay on trail for as long as possible, or do I listen to my body (and my gut) and get off trail? The choice to stay on trail was based in fear: of failure, embarrassment, disappointment, weakness, and shame. Choosing to come off trail came from a place of gratitude, reverence, and humility. These are the qualities the trail brought to me again and again. So when push came to shove, my choice, while difficult, was clear.
Southbounding was an intense way to start the Long Trail. And my limited timeframe made me feel pressure to push myself past what my knees could handle. The pain started ordinarily enough, but every day it came on faster and escalated in severity. By day seven I couldn’t bend or straighten my right knee and struggled to walk, let alone tackle the climbing and scrambling I still needed to do. There was a side trail just south of Mount Roosevelt that led to a parking lot, just three and half miles away from me. I took it. My mom met me in the parking lot and that was my last day on trail.
Coming to Terms with Injury
I cried that entire day, from the moment I woke up until I fell asleep. It was obvious that the pain in my knee was not normal and that continuing on could cause permanent damage. And while on top of Mount Roosevelt, the fact that this would be my last sweeping view of the Long Trail on this trip hit me like a ton of bricks. My emotions were (and are still) all over the place, but I am slowly coming to terms with the bigger picture.
The Long Trail was a transformative experience and the decision to come off trail does not change that. It takes maturity and perspective to know when enough is enough (both on and off trail). And at the end of the day, it’s more important that I live to hike another trail than do permanent damage out of stubbornness. The Long Trail taught me how to value and respect where I am. It showed me how to let go of my preconceived notions and embrace the experience at hand.
At the End of the Day
This thru-hike was bigger than me. Together, we raised $800 for Suffer Better and Big City Mountaineers. That is something to be proud of, regardless of whether I hiked the trail in its entirety. I went out there lost and looking for purpose beyond myself. And I came out of those woods humbled, grateful, and knowing myself a little better. The Long Trail gave me exactly what I needed, not what I thought I wanted.
A Lifetime of Memories and More to Come
The lessons I learned from the Long Trail, both in training and during my thru-hike, will last a lifetime. I will always remember the kindness and support I had from loved ones and strangers alike. The beauty and sheer magnificence of the Green Mountains will live in my heart forever. I will always carry the humility, gratitude, and grace that the trail imparted on me. And perhaps the best part of this journey is that it is not over. I will finish the trail in 2021 after Vermont’s mud season. In the meantime, I will work with my doctors to take care of my knees and I will tweak my training to better support the demands of the Long Trail.
So this is not “goodbye,” it is simply “until next time.” Thank you to my support system (y’all know who you are). Thank you for donating so that this hike could be bigger than any one of us. And thank you for sharing in this journey with me. I am so blessed to have had this experience, and I can’t wait to share in many more adventures with you. Happy trails, my friend.
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Comments 13
That’s a hard decision. Virtual hugs to you. I’ve enjoyed following along, and have had to make a similar decision in the past. The trails will be there when you are ready. It’s way cool to have hiked what you did, and you’ll be even more prepared and fit next time.
You did good!
*well
Thank you!! It was an amazing adventure. And it’s not over yet!
Thank you so much, Ruth. I really appreciate that. It’s a difficult decision to make but you are right; the trails will be there ?
I got injured about a week into a nobo Long Trail thru-hike in 2004. My injury occurred because I was young and dumb doing young and dumb things. It was still a tough decision to head home. My plan is to nobo in 2021 starting in late June. Can’t wait!
We both made it a week in! It was still the most amazing experience, but man… the Long Trail takes no prisoners. I’ll be back in June too to finish what I started! I haven’t decided if I’ll NOBO or SOBO. On one hand, NOBO will let me warm up some before the going gets tough. On the other hand, I already did the hard stuff… we’ll see. But either way, go us!!
I debated direction last time. I chose NOBO for the following reasons: I figured that smaller crowds up north would be welcome after the split with the AT. The southern warm up for the northern portion. It was easier for me to get a ride to North Adams. Also, finishing at the Canadian border seemed like a cool idea. Are you planning to do the whole trail or finish what you have left? Either way, it’ll be an awesome accomplishment!
Those are very good reasons, and Canada does feel like a more epic finish. Especially after conquering those high peaks in the north. I will just do the part of the trail I have left because I’ll be under the same time constraints. I haven’t decided on NOBO or SOBO though. On one hand, I kind of want to finish at a terminus rather than a random road crossing. On the other I do still have some elevation left and my legs could use the warm up. Either way, it’ll be wonderful and I can’t wait!
I hurt both knees on day 2 of an 8 day hike at Denali National Park. I have the advantage of working with injured body parts for a living so I knew they weren’t permanent damage injuries, but I hurt so bad the first day I didn’t know if I could continue. I went through the same range of emotions you described and I can tell you that you made the right call. It’s hard to make the tough, but right decision and, in my opinion, you’re stronger for it. Heal up and get back on the trail!
Thank you, Brad. I really appreciate that. Part of me still wonders if I could have pushed through (reading Scott Jurek’s North definitely doesn’t help that feeling). But either way there wasn’t enough time to finish. Hopefully after some more tailored ascent and descent training, finishing the trail will be a lot more comfortable.
giant fail! Get good
…you’re not wrong, Dick. You’re not wrong.