Ripples on the Surface – An Origin Story

A Pursuit of Peace

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                 ” To bear trials with a calm mind robs misfortune of its strength and burden.” ∼ Seneca

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            Memories have a funny way of taking up space in strange venues and corners of the mind. Where you look for them, they aren’t found, and where you don’t expect them to be they take up residence. As objective as they exist, we categorize them and compartmentalize them on an autopilot of the subconscious. A triage of the past, immediate and daydreamed constructs of many possible futures. It’s always said its never wise to travel back in time, nostalgia is a poison of sorts, a house of mirrors and false doors and passageways to become lost to, yet its sweet and always attractive. To bring the past forward to share and teach is the true way to remain present and benefit the greater good.

              In 2008 I was an Army combat medic in northern Iraq. At 24 years old I actually found myself as a teacher and trainer of those soldiers who were mostly younger than I was, with such little life experience. I was grateful for what I had been through prior to all this, prior to seeing feeling living the light and dark of a modern-day battlefield. Many of those around me where trained but were not fully mentally prepared for the trial by fire a first deployment during the surge could be. Many broke, whether wounded, killed or becoming lost in the act of caring for the wounded or taking lives themselves, it was a chaotic orchestra of death. With the mission always first, those cogs in the machine, we men and woman in uniform, were at times an afterthought, numbers in a political chess game. It would be many years before we all would be able to take our own steering wheel back and move on our own accord. I came home like all the rest, a different person.

 

The years would pass, a marriage, children, divorce, all the while the world goes abouts its day, too fast for me, and blaming me for not being able to keep up or pay attention. I endured punishment it seemed for my faults, my fissures and cracks in myself that I had to patch back together in haste to fit back into society. I wasn’t ready but it didn’t matter, the hits came and went, I endured them. All the while knowing I was more than this, I wanted more than this, I can do more than this. Alcohol was a familiar comfort and an all too easy trail to follow. I found out one spring day however, something I got right, and something that rewarded me without judgement or blame, our natural world. Perhaps I had a negative perception of it as the military can make any enjoyable outdoor experience somewhat miserable. Camping? Hiking? Sure, says the Army, we have that and more, HA! I never wanted to be out in the forest in the rain again, or ruck for miles with a heavy pack and what felt like broken ankles in the freezing rain. What I learned after a day hike near my hometown of Hot Springs National Park Arkansas is that those skills I had retained from training, helped me be at ease knowing that now I was in control, this could be at my pace, my choices reigned supreme, I was hooked.

I did what so many do, binge YouTube and dream of escaping to any of the big three. Starting small however for me, felt just as big. If I wasn’t outside, I was preparing to be outside, reading gear reviews, looking at trail apps and researching anything and everything around me that I could experience, and if you don’t know already, the Natural State doesn’t disappoint. With the Ozarks and Ouachita National Forests and Buffalo National River in my back yard, the sky was the limit, and I intended then and still today strive to see it all. This recalibration does what formal counseling does not. It brings life to the surface and changes those ever-present ripples to positive change and a restorative trust. My mission today is to motivate all veterans old and young who are struggling or know someone who is to share with them what the outdoors has to offer to the soul. Let’s continue that journey, follow me and stand by for more! See you there, your Doc on the Trail.