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St. Paddy’s Day Hiker Reunion
When Tarzan came back, I told him about my crush for Pinto. She had bought me a cookie from the bakery so I sat down beside them to eat it. In a seductive tone, he said to Pinto, “We should bring Freyja over to our place.” She blushed, “Oo things could get real naughty.” We both started giggling; I could tell we wanted to experiment, but we were both coming off a bit shy. Tarzan eased the tension, “I’ll show you the way.”
Fontana Hilton and Pretending to Be a Caterpillar
Wrapped in my sleeping bag on the top story of the shelter, Pink laughed and said I looked like a caterpillar. Beans showed up when I was nearly asleep and Pink asked me to wiggle my feet to mimic a caterpillar that was about to burst out of its cocoon.
Singalongs at Stecoah Wolf Creek Hostel
The vibe of the place felt as though we were coming home to a warm bed after a long day of hard work. We dropped our packs, the boys took a quick shower and then Kenny drove us to the food truck to get some burgers! We all put our orders in and sat at the picnic tables as we waited. With dirt still on my legs, one of the boys looked at me and asked, “You’re not going to shower?” I let out a sigh, looked him dead in the eye and with a seductive tone said, “Nope. I prefer being dirty.”
Raven’s Foot for Good Luck
I continued to observe… for that was the only thing I could ever really do/be was awareness of Self. That sense of sadness that came over me was just like the waves in the ocean—rising and falling. I brought my attention back to the present moment and to my immediate surroundings—the view of the towering trees and the chill of the wind against my cheeks. The energy from the aina moved through my body and it was enough. It was enough to remember that no matter how solitary I appeared to be, that it was impossible for me to be lonely. The whole world came out of me. Love encompassed me and everything was alive. The dirt, the bark, the leaves that shuttered in the wind—all alive with Spirit, kissing me through vibration and patterns.
God Bless Trail Angels
Spidy drove us back to the top of the mountain and Castles and I hung out in our nest for the night. He kept the fire going as we talked about where we came from and about our belief systems. He studied purely Calvinism whereas I was over here talking about sex cults and orgies. So fun witnessing the plethora of people on trail and all the different types of backgrounds they came from.
Praying to See Things Differently
I felt as if the body sense felt so real in the moments I experienced those urges. I could sense the little girl inside me just wanted to be loved. I didn’t know where I got mixed up down the trajectory of life thinking love meant it had to do with my body or getting myself off through someone else’s body. I closed my eyes and prayed to God to give me the strength to see it differently. I asked to be relieved from the suffering. Most wouldn’t view sexual urges as a form of suffering, however anything that was idolized or claimed to give relief in the world was a form of suffering.
Hitching Back to AT and Dancing at Taco Bell
I did a little overview in my mind of the past few months. I remembered how just under a month ago (and the entire winter) how depressed I felt. I wondered why I self-sabotaged myself by going back to a place that I loathed, just to spend time with family. And don’t get me wrong, I absolutely loved spending time with my family—it was very important to me—but not worth sacrificing my own happiness. I then noticed how I felt when I was on trail. Genuinely joyful and giddy—felt as if I was laughing 99% of the time. Sometimes, it took me a while to put two and two together and to accept the fact that I preferred to live a simple life.
Foothills Trail Sidequest
As I laid in my tent at night, I smiled at the faint silhouettes of objects that surrounded me. I caressed my tent with my hands and thanked it for keeping me warm and dry the past couple of years. I smiled and thought about how often my mom worried when I told her I would be going out hiking again. I always reassured her that there would be so many people with me, yet still, I found myself drawn to be away from the crowd to drop into stillness. Been that way since I was a child.
Mandala Third Eye Expansion
I took the protractor and outlined some faint lines for a mandala. I breathed into the moment and gave space for the inspiration to blossom. Some hikers sat behind me and asked all about my hiking adventures as I gave them a live art show. They took notice to my macramé rings and so I took them off my fingers and gave one to each person that was sitting there. I told them I had been wearing them since the PCT in 2019 and that I was ready to let go of them.
Building Confidence in the Path that was Given
I guess it will never be—at least not at this moment in time. I feared to my core that with another person I would draw back from the wild and often intense situations that led me to the richest experiences. The escapades on the road and on trail felt as though they brought me to the edge of my salvation. And it appeared that the path of solitude was the avenue I was given to receive the deepest insights that would over time blossom into self-reflective awakenings.