Praying to See Things Differently

March 11 2023, Plumorchard Gap to Betty Creek Gap: Quadzilla offered to get me on Backpacker Radio a couple of years ago and I didn’t feel called to do it. However, since I started hiking again, I started to feel more extroverted and open to talk/share stories. I was just thinking about that memory when I walked upon a shelter. I decided to take a quick break and met a guy named Radio Face. He had been making his own daily backpacking podcasts and said he would get me on Backpacker Radio so I could share stories about my hiking experiences. Manifestation on trail reminded me of how powerful it felt calling upon things on the Big Island. I felt excited to witness how it would unfold!

Walked into North Carolina today! I loved how it felt entering into a new state—always energized my steps. I didn’t feel like taking many breaks today since it was extremely cold. I wanted to do a 30 but decided to call it at the Betty Creek campsite. I made myself some beef marinara pasta and placed the soles of my feet into the dirt beside the fireplace. I appreciated how silent my day was which helped give me space to reflect upon my thoughts.

I felt a sense of sadness before going to bed tonight. I felt my hormones were going wild and out of control, which seemed to be common once I started hiking. I felt as though I was ravenous for sex, just the same way people became ravenous for drugs or alcohol—that false feeling which claimed I needed a specific “thing” to satisfy the so-called void.

I felt as if the body sense felt so real in the moments I experienced those urges. I could sense the little girl inside me just wanted to be loved. I didn’t know where I got mixed up down the trajectory of life thinking love meant it had to do with my body or getting myself off through someone else’s body. I closed my eyes and prayed to God to give me the strength to see it differently. I asked to be relieved from the suffering. Most wouldn’t view sexual urges as a form of suffering, however anything that was idolized or claimed to give relief in the world was a form of suffering.

I laid in my tent and listened to the harmonious song of a bird chirping. I closed my eyes and took in the melody. It was all for me. I remembered what was most important to me—the sweet gifts nature had to to offer me and the way it expressed its love for me.

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