I wasn’t pissed off enough with regular life to justify another thru-hike.

Between wanting to hike the CDT and falling in love with the regular world again.

It‘s not happening until Mum approves.

While I have been annoying my friends about it, meticulously updating Excel sheets with gear weight and costs plus scouting Reddit forums for local- first-hand-hikertrash-intel, the Continental Divide Trail had remained vague. Far away. Unreachable. Unrealistic. 

“The first part is about the PCT and you must read through it quickly. Then comes the CDT, so you know what I’m doing this summer” I tell my mum. Grinning from ear to ear. “This summer?” She looks at me. And now we’re both smiling. And wave of relief washes over me; now it feels real.

Doubts

For a few months, I was doubting the trail.

I felt like I was rushing it. Like I’m not ready, not recharged enough. Too broke. Somewhat not hungry enough for an adventure of that size. 

Almost like I wasn’t pissed off enough with regular life to justify another thru-hike.

Cat nap

Last year was different. I was anxious, jittering with excitement, and heartbroken about the sacrifices the PCT demanded. Doubting to leave my happy life in Amsterdam yet craving the escape so hard, it was almost physical. I was burning bridges and wondering why the flames hurt. 

This year, leaving felt like someone lifting 50 pounds off my shoulders. 

A warm, fuzzy feeling of peace stretched out in my chest like a cat* in the midday sun.

(If you want to see my cat, you can check this here)