Happy Trails & Saying Goodbyes

Why…Does this have to be so hard?

I’ve been a bit sad lately, and I wrote about it in my last blog. I’m leaving. For 5-5 1/2 months, and I don’t even have to. It’s all up to me. I can stop all this now and decide that I don’t want to leave my beautiful home, or my children, or my Fiancée. I don’t have to leave my cats or my dogs or my chickens. I don’t have to be sad.

It’s okay, I’m really okay.

And that’s the truth. I had an interview this morning with a writer from a local newspaper and I told her I’m really not scared. I can’t really think of anything in particular that I’m afraid of. Of course, yes, leaving behind two children under the age of 18 is heavily weighing on me but it’s not a trail fear. And I’ve spoken to both of my kids multiple times in the last 5 months and they without a doubt want me to go. My daughter, who is 17, is learning how to navigate life and making life decisions as all teenagers do at this age and she is learning that women are not put on this earth just to get married and stay at home and not have any goals or dreams. We need to be risk takers. We need to see how far we can go, then f’n go even farther than that.

I hope through what I am doing and how far I’ve come in my life, despite all of the obstacles, truly inspires her as a young woman to chase her dreams and that no idea she ever has is too big. She can do anything. And I will always be her biggest cheerleader. I will also still be sending her thousands of funny TikToks whenever I get the chance. Because I have to make her roll her eyes even when I am not here, right? It’s my job.

My 8 year old son is so excited. I bought him a new IPhone so that we can FaceTime when I’m in town. He also has my Garmin Inreach map share so that he can log on and see where I am at all times. They have both been wonderful little humans through all of this preparation and I love them with all of my soul.

This blog was going to be brief, I swear it’s the coffee, it always is.

My fiancée had a surprisish going away get together for me. I had only known that a couple of family members were going to come. Instead she invited our friends and surprised me with two of my dear cousins who I hadn’t seen in years. That was really special. Great job on that one! I loved that. I felt really special that day. I can’t remember ever, if I had that much attention in a room of people that were interested in me, interested in what I was doing. Asking me questions about me, like I was important or something.

I got to do a gear shakedown for everyone and they liked it! WHAT!?!

First we played a game, me excluded obvi, that everyone had to pick up my pack and guess the weight (21.6 lb total pack weight), the winner closest to the weight won a really nice bottle of Chandon Champagne from Napa.
Then everyone watched as I took apart my pack and showed them what I would be using for the Southern California section. I was fascinated by watching them be so fascinated.
I forgot how cool this thing is. People have questions, I had some answers, LoL.

It was great. Everyone that showed up for me that day, didn’t have to try to be there or didn’t make excuses for not being there. They were just there….FOR ME. It was about me. I was leaving for a long while so they made sure to be here.

I was important that day, I mattered to all of these lovely people that made time for ME….These are the people that I know I want to keep in my life always. Read that again guys, you’re all mine!

Oh, another thing that everyone did, they all wrote a personal note on small little cards for me to read and re-read on trail. The people that couldn’t be there that day texted and messaged me notes of encouragement as well. They all signed a t shirt that my fiancée bought from the Trek with a map of the PCT on the front so I can wear it and also read it on trail.

I’ve never had this type of love in my life. I appreciate it so much. I feel like with all of you saying goodbye is hard…..

BUT…It’s okay. And I’m okay. And I love each one of you. And you are all in my heart on the trail.

Until later Fam…”HAPPY TRAILS”