The Badass in a Skirt
4 Days to Go
Yesterday, at the end of a long day of PCT prep, I was standing in my ‘kitchen’ looking at the spread of resupply food on the table, and I thought, “what is this?” In that moment, I couldn’t even comprehend what I was looking at. It seemed unreal that I was standing there carefully partitioning this crazy amount of food into daily servings and weekly boxes; that there was a pile of carefully honed gear collected around me; that I was voicing the last of my requirements which my husband was eager to run out and get. And I thought, “I don’t deserve this.”
3 Days to Go
Today, I woke up thinking about the fact that I have only three more nights in my RV, and I thought about the clothes that I’d be putting on in four days. I wondered, who is this person that will be wearing that new hiking skirt? I don’t wear skirts! Who is this person that is going to attempt to carry her life with her for five and a half months? It can’t be me. How can this be me? I followed so many other journeys and was inspired by so many people, and yet I can’t admit that I might be one of these people. Who am I? Why do people say they’re so excited for me, that I’m a badass, and that it’s an amazing thing I’m doing. I hear the words, and yet I can’t connect them to me. I am separate. I am an imposter trying to be something that I’m not. Or am I? Could this badass in a skirt really be me?
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