Finding my wings to Soar

When Zach asked me for my bio I had to think about who I am and how others see me.  I know that seems odd to some, but I’m so used to talking about my life as a photographer, writer, wife, mom and grandmother, that I had to really think about who I am.  In a few weeks I’m embarking on the most liberating thing I’ve ever done.  On February 10th when I board the train for Georgia, I will be responsibility free for the first time in my life.  I’m trying to imagine how long it will take me to let go and embrace the freedom I’m being afforded.

I’m sure there are some scratching their heads thinking, this chick’s nuts, “it should be easy to let go,” but its not. Women or most of those I know anyway, are wired to be caregivers.  We think of ourselves as selfish if we indulge in the little things that can’t be shared with our families, such as a pedicure, coffee or lunch with a friend. These indulgences and time for ourselves make us stronger women and better equipped to take care of our family.  It took years but eventually I became one of those women who realized the importance of taking care of myself.  I love my family fiercely and at times when I was young and didn’t know better I sacrificed my well being making me no good to anyone. Especially during the times when I was both mom and dad for months at a time during Fred’s deployments. While I wouldn’t trade a day of my life as mom and wife, it’s time for me to give the caregiver a well deserved sabbatical and concentrate on the love of my life and myself.

Until now the thought of living for six months in the woods with my best friend has been a haze hovering ever so lightly over me. Even now as the mail drop boxes are being packed, the warm send off party has come and gone, I’m sitting back thinking holy crap, I’m really doing this.  I only have to worry about our safety and what non nutritious item I want to eat.  No grocery lists to make, utility bills to pay, no worries about car or house payments.  When I talk with my friends, I become a little melancholy thinking about the life I’m leaving behind, the melancholy only lasts about five seconds.  I can’t wait to explore this new phase in my life and write the next chapter in my life bio. So until then, I guess I’ll tell you my bio reads, “I’m a forty eight year old suburban woman who everyday tells herself it’s okay to be free to live a life I’ve only dreamt about.

In nine days I’ll kiss those five little faces and hold tight for a few extra seconds when I  embrace my children before taking off. I’ll wipe the tears and replace them with a smile and realize I’m there, I’m ready to leave the nest and soar. It’s MY time!

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