I have Fears

The happiest I’ve ever been is a moment I can place. I was in India. We had spent the day walking around town, not really doing anything in particular, eating samosas and drinking chai. It was colder than it seemed like it should be for a sunny day and I had to put my hat on. We somehow wandered up to this home which had a beautiful terrace that overlooked the Ganga. No one was there, we thought, and we crept out onto it and sat in the sun as it set over the river. My sister took my photo. And we were all there, really there. Together.

I can’t remember anything we talked about. All I remember is feeling free. More free than I had ever felt. Life was so simple, it was so easy.

Last night, though… I spent last night worrying. Do I have all the right stuff? Will everything work out the way I want? When it doesn’t, will I be prepared to handle it? Will my friends, family, boyfriend, life still be waiting for me when I finish? Will things be different? When they are, am I prepared to handle it?

Maybe this feels disjointed and a bit strange for an introduction. But knowing where I went to college and how much backpacking experience I have (or don’t really have, in my case) isn’t a blog post I could write. Believe me, I tried.

For now, know I am a fellow questioner, true lover of all things Nature, and perpetual procrastinator.

I leave in 18 days and I am every emotion. Hope you will join in as I wander along and please, feel free to send me good beer along the way!

 

I am Thru-Hiking the Appalachian Trail because….

• I have fears. I want to conquer them.
• I long for simplicity.
• I have a need for adventure I cannot turn off, no matter how many times I may have tried, and despite how much my mother begs me to stop doing these crazy things.
• I can use it as a platform to raise money for a cause that is close to me and my family.
• I have been ignoring it’s call for too long.

When I successfully thru-hike the Appalachian Trail, I will….

• Cry a lot.
• Feel rejuvenated and reconnected.
• Have eaten so much peanut butter, my current desire for spoonfuls daily will wane.
• Have memories I can look back on for years – both good, bad, and indifferent.
• Hopefully have raised a good chunk of change for the Cure Alzheimer’s Fund https://www.crowdrise.com/appalachian-thru-hike-for-alzheimers/fundraiser/.
• Have a clearer mindset on my next steps toward a fulfilling, loving, human-helping career and lifestyle.

If I give up on the Appalachian Trail, I will…

• Cry a lot.
• Feel very disappointed in myself.
• Probably have broken a leg.
• Try again.