The what, why, when & where…
I’d like to start off first by saying that I am by no means a professional writer! I use dashes when I’m switching from thought to thought, I use (?!?!) when I can’t, for the life of me, figure out how to spell a word, I write run-on sentences when I’m ranting & after rereading my journal days later, my thoughts tend to be all over the place. So there, I said it. Expectations for perfection can now be dropped. Did you drop them?! My intentions are only to share my world with anyone who will have it. So here goes nothing.
Hi! Welcome to my thoughts, dreams & heart. Welcome to me being vulnerable, confused, lost, tempted, intimidated, but happy, excited, & sort of like anything can happen. So, why the hell am I hiking the Appalachian Trail, huh?! Well, to answer that question, you need to know a little more about me. In the matter of two months we found out that my pregnant sister had a brain tumor the size of a large plum, I graduated college w/ my bachelors in marketing, I ended a relationship, began dating an incredible man (& my best friend- go figure) & am in the process of figuring out what that means. I went on a big girl job interview & didn’t get the position- well, they’ll call me back.. I paid off my dream car (jeep wrangler!) and officially have no debt. I found yoga and fell in love, but haven’t had the balls to pursue it.
I have the world at my fingertips… So, now what?!
Fast forward 6 months. My sister had a beautiful, healthy baby boy- ‘ATB’. The tumor was removed a week later & was, to all of our surprise (specifically the neurosurgeon), benign. Thank goodness. Although I’d give anything to close that chapter forever, that damn cyst is a sitting (& apparently stagnant) duck in the barriers of my sisters skull. My other sister is pregnant with her first- as if that’s not scary enough, we’re all just trying to get over the fear that a hormonal brain tumor is hereditary- it’s not, it’s not, it’s not!! I still haven’t heard anything from that interview.. I started teaching yoga wherever & whenever I can, & I am hiking the Appalachian Trail. Well, we are. Beautiful man & I. We leave April 7th and as excited as I am (& I am!!), I can’t shake that anxious feeling that you get when you’re about to do something crazy-
& let me tell you, hiking 2,200 miles from Georgia to Maine is just that.
When it came down to it, I took a look at my life and the lives around me and realized I wanted more. I want to spend my entire life actually living. Not working my life away at a job I hate, saving for a retirement that I’ll be too stiff and tired to actually enjoy. I want to be smart, save money, travel as much as I can & hopefully live somewhere warm with a beautiful porch where I can practice yoga every single day. I want to grow as a person . I want to be happy. Smile. Live. Love. I want to live simply. I’d like to live in a way that supports how my body, mind and spirit function- staying active, eating compassionately & considerately- I hope that the love and passion in my heart will touch and connect with those around me.
It takes small, tiny steps each day to create a beautiful, conscious life. One where you’re not just going through the motions, but where you’re actually alive- not just because your heart’s pumping, but because you feel it.
Everything with my sister has made me realize that time is not guaranteed. You don’t get preferential treatment for being kind and working your ass off. There is absolutely no telling when your time will be up. So why spend your life wanting & not doing? What’s the point of being home for ell-bear, ATB & phew 2 if I haven’t reached my potential & can’t help them grow from experiences I’ve had. Maybe financial stability is the least of my worries when the alternative is potential unfullfillment(?!). So, why am I hiking the Appalachian Trail? So that I can begin a lifetime of doing exactly what makes me feel happy & hopefully can pass that happiness onto everyone I meet. Simple as that… & obviously so that I can look back years later with a grin on my face & say,
fuck yeah, I did that!!”
“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, & see if I could not learn what it had to teach, & not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”
-Henry David Thoreau
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