The Big Question

Seriously, why?

Ah, the big question: “Why?” As in, why take 6 months off from work, leave your loved ones and the comfort of home to live out of a backpack and walk over 2,000 miles in the woods? It’s a great question. One my family, friends, and strangers have asked many times. Some are out there to find themselves and some head out simply just to walk. Me? Please allow myself to introduce…myself (if you get that reference, we’re going to be good friends).

“Who Am I?” – Derek Zoolander

Have you ever found yourself staring into a puddle at your reflection after your male-modeling career has left you confused, hurt, and feeling burnt out? Yeah, me neither — but I, like many others today, have found myself caught up with the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Much like Ben Stiller in Zoolander, I have questioned whether or not I’m on the path I should be on and if I am, what’s the next step? My entire life up to this point has been a series of plans and decisions that have all brought me to where I am now. I went to my dream college (We Are!), received a degree, got a job I had been praying for as a labor and delivery nurse and eventually went on to become a travel nurse. I became, well, comfortable (of course, that giant pandemic totally derailed any form of comfortability but we won’t get into that).

 

Despite all of these successful plans, the Appalachian Trail has always been on the back-burner in my mind. Now, at almost 30 years old, I’m not too sure what my next step is and it finally feels like the right time to veer onto a path of unknowns. I am incredibly grateful for the life I’ve lived thus far but it hasn’t always been rainbows and butterflies. I’ve dealt with immense grief, anxiety, depression, and loneliness. For some reason I can’t explain, the prospect of the trail has lingered in my soul as a glimmer of hope through a lot of darkness.

Just do it, man

While I’m heading out on a solo mission (much to my family’s dismay), I have another person to thank for sparking this need to jump out of my comfort zone. My late brother, Pat, planted a seed of curiosity and adventure in me just a week before he died. My last conversation with him brought me across the globe to Nepal when I was 21 years old to celebrate a promise we made to each other. Today, I have to remind myself to live by the “any day could be your last” philosophy. I’m tackling the trail as much for myself as I am for Pat because ya know what? Life is pretty damn short and it moves pretty fast. That might be quite the cliche but it’s the truth.

The Final Countdown

As I sit by the fire in the cozy little A-frame in Vermont that my boyfriend, dog, and I have called home for the past 6 months, the excitement of being out on trail washes over me in waves. One minute, I’m panicking that I’m unprepared even after years of research, reading, and advice. The next minute, I’m dreaming of filling my lungs with the crisp, cool forest air (then immediately thinking about how that breathing will turn into violent gasps for air on bigger ascents). To sum it all up, I’m feeling a little bit of every emotion but mostly surreality. In a few short weeks, I’ll say goodbye to the creature comforts I’ve taken for granted over the course of my life and will have to learn to live with the discomforts that come with the gargantuan excursion of a thru-hike.

If my ability to incorporate way too many movie quotes into writing hasn’t scared you off and you’d like to follow along, I invite you to see where this journey goes. I’m making it a point to be brutally honest, open, and fluid with this blogging stuff so join along if you dare!